And as any super celebrity or sports star on a long hiatus is asked, "So what have you been up to?" Here I am trying to answer my own lowly interview, filled to the brim with words, but having nothing to say. You know that feeling you get when you feel like taking a crap and when you get to the toilet, you're ready, you're in the zone, you're dropping the bomb and... nothing. Just a couple of farts and butt cramps for your trouble.

But yeah, life's been good. Sometimes, too good. But as I have always believed the universe dictates, there is always balance. Nothing is ever too good, and nothing is ever too bad. It's a sick joke that you can't ever have everything you ever wanted, even in little aspects. It's the best cheeseburger in the world, BUT it's worth 2000 calories. You work your ass off for an A paper, BUT you get a B+. You make a million dollars, BUT you're not spending enough time with your family and friends. Ay, balance be a cruel mistress. The worst thing is, even though the universe does have a plan on how it will balance itself, you'll have to be the one to figure out how. "Here are the puzzle pieces. Um, I'm not gonna tell you what the whole thing looks like but... yeah. You'll get it. Hehe." Good. Bad. Right. Wrong. They're all just words and titles. What matters is what you do. In the end, all we're trying to do is to make the two ends meet, make sure our little existence makes as much sense as possible because hell, we LOVE sense. To have sense is to be. Cogito Ergo Sum. No matter how much wrong we think we do, no matter how much good we think we do, if the picture of the puzzle we've started building doesn't make too much sense, we feel.... Meh. So you scramble the pieces and start again, and keep on repeating the process until hey, you're seeing the picture.

Sometimes I feel so so so bad for all the wrong I've done. I am, after all, (mostly) Catholic. But then I think if God had planned this, and/or... (um, I'll go with "and") if I had chosen this path, and it has led me towards where I am now, then ultimately, it's going to make sense, even if I feel I've done wrong. I do feel sorry for all the wrong I've done, but if it's part of something bigger, some HUGE picture that I'm meant to see in the end, then I say, "Keep going!" The puzzle pieces fit anyway. Like I said, nothing is all bad.

If you know me, you'll know that I love pondering existentialism-related stuff. I even ponder my pondering. What if I'm just a smart-ass trying to justify all the shit he's done? And I actually am just questioning a flat, outright, "It's-all-there!-Stop-creating-more-out-of-it" existence rather than accepting it? Then I must be so screwed up then? Not to say I haven't done anything GOOD my whole life. I'd still say that, if we must put labels on our actions, most of what I've done, is in fact, "good." (Haha. Sabay nag-bawi.) But I don't know, everything I'm saying just comes so naturally. While objectively it seems so complicated, it actually isn't. It's the purest, sincerest thought I have. It may be difficult, but it's not complicated. It's like travelling to a faraway destination with loads of traffic in between. It's going to be difficult to get there, but you know exactly what needs to happen.

But one thing I ponder above all, when you DO get to your destination, when everything falls into place. when the puzzle is finally complete....

Then what?