Saturday, April 30, 2005
uhhh, that des'ree songthe world's been spinning around a lot faster lately. lots of things have happened since the last time i blogged. realizations. surprise endings. happy endings and sad endings. new beginnings and etc. for so many of my friends, including myself, events keep taking place and it's hard to keep up. life takes over and you can't do a thing about it. you wanna just stop for a moment, take a deep breath before plunging down again, but life won't let you and it sucks but there's no use sulking about it cuz there's nothing any of us can do about it.
people have been too melodramatic lately. yes, that includes me. and i guess it's the natural reaction when existence slaps you in the face and thrusts a cold stick of confusion, melancholy and hoplessness up your ass. in the past week, i've seen people cry, be down and emotional more than i ever have in my whole life. and it makes me sad. like one of my bestfriends' said to me the other day:
"dude, pansin mo ba, as we get older, we get sadder din? i hate growing up. mas ok dati nung mas simple buhay noh? you play with your toys. and when your crush texts you once, you're so happy na. these days, masyado nang complicated eh."
now, i love being the confidant and all. i have no complaints about it and i love being able to at least be there to listen to the people i endear, but the thing is, whenever i do, they tend to share the weight of that circus elephant [and its trimmings] riding their backs to me. it's not their fault, it's just that i feel what they feel and combining all the people that share their elephants [sounds really weird] to me, i just feel really bad and shit. and to add to that, dude, i have my own problems din naman diba? and lately, they've been adding up. so basically, i feel like i'm in the boxing rin with life right now. i am mzonke fana and life is erik morales and he's just having his way with me. swollen, bleeding, and knocked out of my senses, the 2nd round hasn't even started. and there is no such thing as throwing in the towel. though i get a few punches in, i'm losing my battle... as of now. shit dude, there are a lot of rounds to go, and Mzonke isn't the "South African Wonder" for nothing! hehehehe.
now don't get me wrong. i'm not feeling all that depressed. i'm actually pretty okay. someone actually asked me yesterday, "what's the problem?" [nakatulala nanaman ako nun eh] and i said, "wala. i'm okay." "eh ba't ka nakaganyan?" and i answer: "wala lang, marami lang akong iniisip." bakit ba, may pinagkaiba naman and may problema sa may iniisip diba? hehehehe.
anyway, in one end, i'm glad i joined rep. though it re-instated a lot of 'hazzlez' to my life, it also gives me something else to do. you know? when you're at home alone the whole day, you're forced to be bored. and when you're bored, you think. and when you think, you feel crappy. and so what's the solution? don't stay home. and don't think anymore! hahahahaha. let your brain atrophy na lang! hahaha.
the adventure ended at 12:26 PM
Sunday, April 24, 2005
freeze the momenti was with my friend wally and his older brother one night. when you're hanging out at the fort, looking at the lights of the buildings, drinking some super dry, you tend to talk about weird stuff. emotional stuff. see, the three of us were in the car, just relaxing when Lifehouse's song "You and Me" came on. i went and said, "shit, ang ganda ng kantang toh. ito yung mga tipong sarap i-slow dance." "oo nga, pero wala rin wala kang gusto sa babaeng ka-slow dance mo!" explained wally. "yeah, i guess." i say. "bakit dude, have you ever slow danced with someone whom you really felt the 'slow-dance-moment' with? yung parang sa mga sine? yung parang sa smallville?" wally asks. great example. smallville pa talaga. anyway, i thought about it.
i'd like to say yes.
i really do.
but i can't.
when i recall my slow dance experiences, all i can think of are sweaty palms, awkward looks, and bad foot placements.
i didn't answer.
then wally asks his brother, "kaw kuya trev, kailan last slow dance mo?" now, kuya trev is a guy whom you might call a "socialite", a cool guy who has a hot girlfriend and a hot status in society to match. he answers, "not since my JS prom dude. and it was with my ex-girlfriend nung high school pa ako. tas mga a month after nun, nag-break kami cuz we felt we had to try new things and meet more people. sayang nga eh, alala ko pa nga yung kantang sobrang feel na feel ko yung slow dance. [pauses]" wally: "tangina kuya, nag-senti ka naman diyan eh!" and then we end it all with a nice laugh. but then, little did they know, that conversation hit me deep. and i'm sure it hit wally's brother as well. maybe even deeper.
how many as-seen-on-tv moments do any of us get to live through? let me ask all of you. have any of you ever slow danced with someone having felt the magic? the warmth? if yes, then damn, you're lucky. moments like those only hit us when we're young. before we know it, we're 23 years old and something that trivial that had eluded our Scrapbook Of Youth Experiences is haunting us.
maybe that same moment will reach us again when we're on our first dances on our wedding receptions. but can you take any chances? and hey, i don't only mean it with all this slow-dance-crap! it goes for everything. it's just that it's the slow-dance-crap that i've been emphasizing in my life lately. i've entered college na. the only dancing i'll be doing is the bumping, the grinding, and the body rubbing that intoxication and hormones bring about. haha.
any of you get what i'm saying? am i making sense at all? hahahaha.
the adventure ended at 10:05 PM
Friday, April 22, 2005
Avenue Q
by Repertory Class T3
May 28, 2005
Saturday
Rep Global Theater, Greenbelt1
**
i expect everyone to be there. hehehe. i swear. you'll enjoy it. it's a [funny] farce of sesame street. we'll be using muppets pa and stuff. funny. hehehe.
the adventure ended at 9:19 PM
nothing to write.
the adventure ended at 11:18 AM
Friday, April 15, 2005
tamaddue to my laziness and lack of will to blog, just gonna give some highlights on stuff that's been happening.
-- i'm officially a call-boy. i sold my body to grown men so they can work me and make me a better player. but don't worry, i didn't do it alone. my friends were with me. hehehehe. i even had my own number. the men would just have to say.... "hoy! ikaw! number 1240! halika rito, gagamitin kita!" hehehehe.
-- i joined repertory. totally out of the plans, but heck, since i wasn't drafted [they'll regret it] in the summer league, i thought i'd find something to do.
**
blahdiblahdiblah......... urgh. sooo tamad. can't write anything. hmmmmmm.
i'm joining the palanca awards. dunno which category yet. but pray i draw enough inspiration to write something amazing. i hope my inspiration comes. i really hope so.
re-issuewrote this for jana [my promdate] more than a year ago. see, i really liked her then. but then, there was this other guy who kinda had her fancy then. a rocker dude who was ace with the guitar. so i came up with this and was supposed to sing it her on the night of the prom. didn't happen though. ironically, the song itself is sung with a guitar. haha. wala lang. i just hope everybody gets to read it.
--Gitarista (The Prom Song)--
Sa ilalim ng mga bituin
Dala ko'y rosas at damdamin
Sa kalye siya'y nanghaharana
Pagdaan ko'y nakita sana
Ngunit tugtog niya'y sumaiyo
Nasaan na kaya tayo?
+Minsan kinantahan din kita
Mga paboritong musika
Eh daig pa rin naman ng Acoustic ang acapella
*Ningning ng iyong mga mata
Lumiliwanag bawat nota
Tumutugtog alay sa'yo
Ano ba naman sinabi ko?
Saan mo pa, kailan mo pa,
Kaya ako makikita?
Ang ngiti mo ay awit niya
Himig ng pag-ibig ng iyong...
Gitarista...
[guitar break]
+*
Saan mo pa, kailan mo pa,
Saan mo pa, kailan mo pa,
Saan mo pa, kailan mo pa,
Kaya ako makikita?
Saan pa ba, kailan pa ba?
Saan pa ba, kailan pa ba?
Saan pa ba, kailan pa ba?
Kailangan ko pa bang mag-gitara?
Heto ako, umiibig sa'yo
Lahat ng kaya'y gagawin ko
Makita mo lang ako*
Labels: Special
the adventure ended at 12:33 AM
Thursday, April 07, 2005
not counted
today, my day has actually been idle enough to be able to take some time off to blog. yes, i've been quite busy this week. things keep coming up! dental appointments, basketball, friends who suddenly visit, friends who suddenly ask me to visit, spanish class, etc etc. today is what summer's supposed to be. but it's also what my parents hate about summer. "you always gotta be productive" damn it. come on! it's summer! urgh. we should never neglect idle days like this. days when your brain melts, and you have absolutely nothing to do. yeah, sure, productivity leads to results leads to excellence leads to greatness etc etc. but even the fastest racehorses can't be racing all the time. otherwise, they wouldn't be the fastest racehorses.
basketball-ness
i'm hooked. more than ever. yeah, i love the game, i love the sport, but now, now that i have more time to play, now that i have more opportunities to play, i'm hooked. i watch the nba everyday. i play at mico jau's place often. i invite my municipal league friends to play every now and then. and every chance i get, i go with jorel and andre calixto to magallanes/merville and play and get killed by the big boys. damn it. i just wanna keep on playing. [hehe, i really wanna talk about my game and how i've been playing and stuff, but that'd be too conceited and boring to readers as well. hahaha]
da pyoochur
with a certain course in a certain college sealed for me, i guess the roads leading to my future are starting to get paved for me. with my chosen course as the tools for which these roads are being built. now, with all this, people have come to ask me, at this time [a time when it's much too late for me to change my mind]:
"is this what you really want?"
i say: well, yeah. i mean, ComTechMgt is a road to advertising. and i love advertising. and i think i'd be really good at it. and it's a flexible course as well. i could also go corporate, or start my own business, etc etc. yeah. pretty good. a nice, plausible future.
"again, is this what you
really want?"
no. it isn't.
i want to write and sing beautiful music. i want to join a band. popularity wouldn't be an issue for me. i'm in it for the passion. i want to perform and express myself through music. for i believe that music is the highest and most effective form of expression.
i want to write and keep on writing. write poetry. write novels. write my thoughts, my feelings, and everything i've ever experienced. and i want the whole world to know about it. but with this, i wanna be acknowledged. i want to win awards. i want to be distinguished. i want to be a poet laureate! hahahaha. a boy dreams.
i want to perform. to act. but in this day and age, can anyone [in the Philippines] act and not be "ma-showbiz"? if i were to act/perform, i'd do it somewhere else, maybe hollywood [a boy dreams more], because i'm serious with what i do. it's for the passion, for the fulfillment of doing it. not just for face-value or those "loveteams" that they make of you. stupid. and i dunno, i think i really think i can do it. and one day, i wanna write screenplays. direct movies. be clint eastwood. be quentin tarantino. be baz lhurman.
i want to do/see everything. i want to wait tables in a foreign land with a different language. i want to reflect on my life whilst i meditate in the presence of monks in cambodia. i want to go bungee jumping in italy. i want to explore the pyramids of egypt. i want to live in south america with a day-to-day job and fall in love with a beautiful latin woman. i want to be the first Filipino to be on the South Pole. i want to see the aurora borealis.
so what's stopping me? i dunno. i guess, in society nowadays, those people who follow their dreams totally are impractical. people always tell you to follow your heart and reach for your dreams, but what they're not telling you is that "..and in case you fail and land somewhere else, don't worry, we still love you even though you're less than what you wanted to be and though it sucks to be you." and of course, you actually think there's money in the things i want to do? there may be, but you have to be the very best in the fields. i don't really want to be the very best [but i wouldn't mind being so], i just wanna do what i love to do. even if money [which is sooooo important] isn't really that free-flowing.
in other words, to put everything simpler, i want to live in a dream. i want to live in the movies. i want to do so many things in my life but i fear i won't even get to do a quarter of them.
it sucks when you don't get what you want. and i want so much. hence, this sucks so much.
the adventure ended at 1:15 PM
Saturday, April 02, 2005
gomburzacoming home from a "day of sports" at tagaytay highlands with my parents, my dad kept on telling stories about all his 'ligaw' escapades as a young man. all his ex-gf's etc. haha. it was funny. i guess he just started telling all these stories cuz he wanted to relate to me on the subject, seeing that at 17, it's probably the ripe age to seriously consider "ligaw-ligaw" stuff. [hehe. 17? ahem. no comment.] and besides, lately, i've been really open with my family regarding that very tender subject which is my lovelife.. or lack there of. i dunno. i guess i feel a lot more comfy about it.
anyway, incidently, we were at the skyway at the time, doing about 120kph and my dad comments, "wow! dami talagang ads dito! para kang nanonood ng libreng sine! [pauses. sees a nokia phone ad] jose, ano nga palang model itong phone ko?" i answer, "di ko po alam! wala na akong alam sa mga phone eh! ever since i got my phone, sobrang contented and happy nako, di na ko tumingin ng mga bagong model."
later, while eating at shakey's, i was fiddling around with my phone when my mom said, "yan si jay-ar, malalaman mo a lot about his personality through his phone." in my mind, i was like, "gauw?! what?!" then she continued, "kasi bago niya nabili yang phone niya, hanap siya nang hanap, lagi niya akong kinukulit about his phone! ayaw talaga akong tigilan! tapos,ung nakahanap at nakabili na rin siya ng phone na maganda-ganda, di na ulit siya naghanap ng iba." my mind: "uhhhh..." then on she goes, "tama ba jose? hahanap ka nang hahanap lang tapos pag mahanap ka na ng isang gustong gusto mo, di ka na maghahanap pa?" my mind again: "uhhhh..."
she's right, i guess. i'm just holding it off. until i meet the right person i can totally, undeniably commit to. and when that happens, wala, tapos na! intense na 'toh! hehehehe.
nerdon monday, i'm gonna have dental surgery, after which, they're gonna reconnect my braces. furthermore, i need glasses. not really thick glasses. but i need them now so that i won't need them when i get older. therefore, i shall enter college life a certified geek. hmmm. sounds fun. hehehe. i need a geek lifestyle to go with it.
anyway.
**
doyti and i [actually, ako lang] have decided not to go to the states anymore. wala lang. nakakatamad eh. and besides, we have so much other stuff to do here. and to replace said "backpacking", i thought of going for a "relaxation/cleansing" trip and maybe go to cambodia or something of that effect. wala lang. hehehe.
that's all for now. hit back when i've got the time. guys, comment, comment, comment!! thanks!
the adventure ended at 9:56 PM
