Monday, February 28, 2005
kings and queens and fulfilled dreamsi wanna thank my friend nadz onglao for inviting me to her prom. lemme just say that the prom, the whole night, was [british accent]
fantastic! [/british accent] i wish i had pictures, but unfortunately, i wasn't able to bring my camera.
hmm, it was fun to wear a pink tie for the night. i think i looked [british accent]
rather dashing [/british accent]. hehehehe.
tim yap hosted the prom. he kept getting the names wrong. "cara" became "carol", and when he was corrected by the WHOLE audience, it became "caro". great man.
anyway, next week is my own ball. i've finally decided [after long hours of thinking] to bring someone. and i hafta say, wouldn't be anyone else i'd rather go with. naks! hehehehe. :)
if you take me to the beach, i'll kiss youdamn. boracay plans have come crashing down on us like a failed test that you studied your heart out for. hats off to mr. joel sy who planned, scheduled and reserved everything [to add to the fact that he was the most intense among all of us] only to have everything sail off. wah. it's okay joel, we can always go to tagaytay highlands or la union or our farm or my house or greg's house or any other place... just not boracay. lest the impending "
underwater sea bombing" that awaits us [that was the reason why mico jau was not allowed]. whee. damn it.
i was really really looking forward to this trip. really really. [saying 'really' twice adds emphasis doesn't it? hihi] the other day, i wasted hard-earned money on a pair of nice board shorts [since i hadn't any and it would make a good investement] and i was soo eager to actually put em on on a nice beach and just kinda lie on the sand or on a nice little hammock by the beach and think about strawberry skies and butterflies. ahhhhh.
i can hear the soft serenade of the waves already. but dude, i'm not that shallow [i am, just not to that extent], it's not just the shorts, it's the entire feeling that comes with it. that sense of freedom, excitement, and yes, adventure. "bora with friends". it's every teenager's dream vacation. and now, it'll remain
JUST a dream. no more lounging about on the beach, waiting for your brain to atrophy. no more stereo-typical beach sunsets, a synonym for the word "
ROMANSA"! hehehe. no more hot chicks in bikinis. no more use to the saying "what happens in boracay, stays in boracay. - Mico Quesada" hahaha. oh well. we'll always have
[type name of place here].
the ride [to second] home.i have always, always [saying 'always' twice adds emphasis, doesn't it] enjoyed the ride going to school. it's a stupid thing to enjoy if you know you've got a million things to do, a thousand long tests to pass, and a hundred hours of sleep to lose once you actually get to school. but then again, i enjoy it because in the brief 12-15 minutes i'm in the car, i forget about all those and just enjoy the
simpler things .
my driver would always put down his sun-blocking-device-thingie to shield his eyes from the morning sun. bright and annoying as it may be, i never put down my sun-blocking-device-thingie. i close my eyes for a brief period, take in the sun as it hits my face, and think of all the songs that make me smile, and i thank Him for another day. i guess you could say that would be my daily prayer. it isn't much, but it means much to me.
another thing to enjoy is he slight chance that the radio stations might play a really nice song. a little more reason to keep me sane throughout the whole day. if not, there's always CD's. but you know, there's this really fulfilling feeling when the radio, out of the blue, when you least expect it, plays one of your favorite songs. you go "ohmahgawd. tis my song!!", and you frantically increase the volume.
usually, i get crappy in the evening. i mean all the problems, all the bad things always seem to happen at night. in the morning, on the way to school, that short span of 15 minutes allows me to tone down and feel better. it's weird actually. it's like that 15 minute window creates a blank in my head and erases all the bad-ness.
i guess going to school is much like life. [naks naman the simile!] with strife, desolation, and doom coming your way, it's best to just relax, enjoy the trip, make the most out of it. and heck, it gets me through the day everyday.
15 minutes of freedom.
may luha at dahas sa darating na bukas, ngunit habang gabi walang mababakas.last na 'tohwell. just three exams away from the rest of my life. i dunno how to feel. really. i'm lost for words. i just wanna say that the highschool has been the worst years of my life. but then, have you ever stopped to anazlyze that the worst years of your life are actually the best as well? therefore, highschool has been the best years of my life. i'm very grateful. i wouldn't wanna live it all over again, but i'm really really [there's that 'really really' again] thankful that i did.
see you tomorrow.
tomorrow is not just nother day, it's a day like no other.
the adventure ended at 8:42 PM
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
is the juice worth the squeeze?okay. so i have my last two academic days ahead of me. i've been sighing for quite a while now as i recollect the past few events that i have experienced as we finally close the longest chapter of my life yet.
within the projects, the late nights, the juicy/emo talks, the sleep-overs, the hang-outs, the lounging, the gimiks, the cries, the laughs, the awkward pubescent maturity process and everything in between.. lies the deepening memory. before we know it, that's all that these moments have become. [joel, stop reading or risk crying. hehehe.] life is fleeting. this is why, shit, no matter how bad things get, no matter how much i just want to disappear and let go of everything.. i still can't. the juice would not be worth the squeeze. so on this day, in this blog entry, just to sum up everything i've ever experienced, every shit-hole i've had to climb out of, and every challenge i've had to face [i'm filled with repitions], i would like to quote steve stiffler...
"just sit back. relax. and let the good times roll."life. it's real. always has been, and always will be. the real-est thing in the universe. that's what makes it worth living.
times are toughdespite the heat, the profusely sweating armpits, the seemingly increasing weight of my many bags, the pollution entering my lungs and shortening my distance to lung cancer, and not to mention the hundreds of feminists rallying at EDSA against my way... i made it to megamall from LSGH. now, this wasn't the first time i did it, but for some odd reason, it was a lot harder this time around. maybe along with the weight of my bags is the ton of blocks on my back which is all the projects, deadlines, stresses and lack of sleep. hassle. we neevr do anything in school anymore, but that doesn't mean we don't do anything at all PERIOD. with insufficient days to go on with normal lessons and the epidemic [neigh, the plague] in LSGH called "near-the-end-of-the-school-year-laziness-and-lack-of-care-for-anything-itis" [yes, it is an inflammation. you get an inflamed ass from sitting on it the whole day doing nothing], teachers have just decided to stuff us all with projects and shit. whee. such fun. [one more week baby]
procrastination is my girlfriendwill-power. priorites. responsibilites. just some of the words which are in my vocabulary buuuut have lost meanings. hehehe. yesterday, we were dismissed at 12pm. i told joel that i'd go to his place and start working on our thesis paper. hmmmmm. 10pm. we are watching the last minutes of the all-star game, discussing 'juicy' stuff while eating tikoy with absolutely no work thesis-related accomplished. i wonder if i'll ever get over this phase. ooh, i wonder if this is even a phase at all. or maybe it's just me! hahaha. well, if i survive college this way.. "what an accomplishment!" hahahaha. whee. hehe. hmmm. enough na. i'm getting weird.
morpheus is a losergod of dreams? how's this? *sticks middle finger up*
Dreams are badWhen all they do is leave the truth behindDreams are badWhen negativity's a state of mind - silverchair, untitled, from the soundtrack of Godzillathere are just a few things i wanna give up. big things. things i've always thought i could do, things i always thought i could have. i've aspired too much in this life. hell, aspiring ain't bad at all, but when you do it as much as i do [and add the fact that i have NO {or at least run out of} will power what so ever to pursue these dreams] it corrupts you and leaves you empty. and so.. big things that i will give up are..
1) after all these years, mary jane watson [there will always be a harry osbourne]
2) the dream of becoming a talented and great musician
3) the dream of having something out-of-this world/extraordinary [matrix meets harry potter meets LOTR meets all-the-romantic-and-cheesy-movies-combined meets mars attacks meets indiana jones meets etc] happen to me
4) the dream of finding someone who'll be all i'll ever want
5) the dream of dunking the basketball
whee. i am such a loser. whee. hehehe. but one thing i'll never give up on though.. is my dream to be remembered. i will not die and be forgotten. i dream to be immortalized in something that i did or by who i was when i lived. i'll never give up until i achieve this. ooh, the makings of an adolf hitler. an idealistic freak who dreams too much and who's overly eccentric. hehehe. watch out.
the adventure ended at 7:33 PM
Thursday, February 17, 2005
let's run awaythere have been times when i've seriously thought about running away from home. yeah. lots of times. i've thought of where i'd go, where i'd stay, what i'd do, how would i survive. i really think that i can do it. i really think i'd survive on my own. i keep getting pushed to. but then, the only reason why i don't do it, is cuz though i may be away from the things i wanna be far from, i would also find myself missing the things that actually matter to me. and if i did run away, i'd be wasting so much of myself and i'd keep on thinking what i would have been.
why do i want to run away? this family is starting to get on my final nerves. it's always been so pretentious. at least with me. they keep on forcing all these values and shit into us kids and forget to notice the people that we actually are. what gets noticed are things we do. no one could give a damn bout who i am as a person. i'm always told [personally], that i should speak up, express my own opinion, tell them who i am. see, they always complain that i never say anything, that i'm so secretive, that i don't help them to understand who i am. they force me to talk. my dad once told me i was a coward and a gay cuz i didn't have a plan in life and i didn't wanna tell him what it is if i did have one. but the thing is, when i do speak, when i do share to them who i am and stuff, either they never listen to me, or it just gets slammed right back to my face. they say 'nagmamarunong' naman ako. so why the hell talk anyway?
excellence, success, good character, and development are all that matter in the family. i guess i'm the black sheep. i'm the only one who seems to have a problem with it. my benchmark for success [among other philosophies] is so much different from the rest of the family's. and i'm missing the one person in the family who would at least have an idea of what i'm talking about. i don't like playing favorites, but i have to say, i miss my ate pam very much. i look up to her a lot and i learned so much from her. and she knows me the most and understands who i am. my parents will never see that. my dad especially. it sucks now, cuz my mom's siding with my dad. she actually told me that "if your dad asks you a question, you answer it." and i say [in a "nicer" way], "but he never listens to me anyway and probably wouldn't care for what i have to say." and she goes, "that doesn't matter. just answer his questions."
haaaaay. sure, i'm lucky to have a family. a complete family. an affluent family. a loving family. a supportive family. but then, there's just something in me that doesn't want to go home when i'm out sometimes. or something in me that makes me want to leave home every now and then. i love my family very much, but i don't think i like them all that much anymore.
march 21i dread this day. yup. my graduation day is on march 20, but i dread the next day.
the next day. i can't begin to imagine how i'm going to feel when i wake up the next day. i just can't see myself waking up to the day when my whole life as a Lasallian is finally over. the day when i will have no more official affiliations with LSGH. after 12 long years, on march 21, it'll finally be done. it's a scary thought and it's freaking me out.
what if the world were a little bit softer?what if the world were a little bit softer?
more roads of feathers, cushions, and mush
buildings of pillows, houses of plush
what if the world were a bit more tender?
nothing sharp enough to cut through cheese
sand at the beach, squeezable softies
what if the world moved a little less faster?
no need to rush, there's nothing to catch
come watch till mother hen's eggs start to hatch
what if the world had a little more answers?
when one plus one can be more than two
and how a shoe and shampoo can be put in a stew
what if the world were a little bit softer?
there'd be nothing that bullets can hit
the bad ol' gunmen would have to quit
what if the world were a bit more tender?
then beggar john'd be off the street
and little kiko'd have food to eat
what if the world moved a little less faster?
people relaxed, "tata!" to anger
then maybe we'd all live a little bit softer
what if the world had a little more answers?
when one plus one can be more than two
and how a shoe and shampoo can be put in a stew
**
it's for kids actually. and i see it with illustrations by tim burton.
the adventure ended at 10:59 PM
Monday, February 14, 2005
i diedi hated our fair. i, an SACB officer, had to endure 33 long hours in a booth in the span of two days. who could survive such torture? i was assigned as the mainstay guy for the dedication booth since i was briefed on how everything was to be handled. let's say about three or four 15 minute breaks were alotted to me. whew. glad i'm still alive.
friday, i worked at the booth from 7am to 10pm, then i went home, had my dinner [yup, hadn't eaten] and collapsed like a dead man on my bed. saturday, my shift went on from 7am to 1230am. okay. there was a point when i was alone in the booth already. good thing though, at that instance, there weren't any people making requests and stuff, so i just kept playing music and stuff. hehe. now, what really pissed me off are the requests we keep on getting. for one, they keep requesting the same friggin songs again and again! i'm SICK AND TIRED of kitchie nadal, sponge cola, rivermaya, jojo, and mario. aaaaagh! secondly, there were SOOOOO many of them. requests here and there. requests, requests, requests!!! and every ten minutes, they'd come back and complain "o, ba't di ko pa naririnig song ko?" AAAHHHH!!! to add to it all, i wasn't able to watch the cool concert in the gym that night. i had a ticket [which were SO hard to come by] already and everything. =/ i was really looking forward to it. oh well.
there were good sides to the this tale of death though. i learned how to use a mixer and how to play music the way dj's do. i'd be the one announcing and doing the spiels at times and it was pretty cool...
...but nevertheless, still DEATH! i got sick the next day. yup! my head was heavier than a ton, i felt so lethargic, and i couldn't eat! i stayed on my nice, soft bed the whooooole day. hahaha. with that, it boosted my recovery and by the evening, i started feeling like a million bucks.
day of heartsdays like this just plain suck. it's the type of day when singles all around feed on pretense and get falsely empowered and start squinting at
the rest of them, wearing their red shirts, showing off their "undying love". they say that being single is the best thing in the world; the freedom, the independence, the avoidance of pain and heartbreak, and of course, iwas gastos [that's one i wanna keep]. but deep down inside, these people.. ah fuck it, people like me, look at
the rest of them, and think, "pucha naman tong mga kumag na toh, oo na, lonely na ako on this day of love and sharing and caring and hugging and snuggling yaddiyah. you don't hafta rub it in my face." it sucks when you're home alone, your siblings all have dates, and your mom and dad as well. face it, deep down, i'm sure, all single people whose hearts are beating abhore [or at least wouldn't mind the quick passing of] this day.
when i think in retrospect, it pisses me off more that i had a great time in last year's valentine's day. the roses, smiles, and senti songs. hehe.
today, i went out with apol and pj. we had all agreed to wear red and watch let the love begin in gateway mall. it was a sappy, typical filipino movie, but still quite entertaining to watch. hehehe. there was even a really long line before you could enter the cinemahouse cuz so many people were watching. we were the center of attention everywhere we'd pass. imagine three guys all wearing red walking around, all smiles! it was hilarious. then.. apol and pj left and who was left behind? hahaha. and so, i went to starbucks, ordered some coffee, and sulked while waiting for my ride home. it was funny and at the same time really sad that i was just alone there at starbucks, sipping coffee. hihihi. i chuckle whenever i think about it.
but maybe, i chose to be like this. i mean, it's my own fault anyway. i know it. i didn't have to be lonely on this day, but then... whee! can't discuss such personal matters here! hahahaha.
anyway, i'm tired of being all emo and stuff. haaay. here's one good thing, 4 MORE REGULAR SCHOOLDAYS and we're through! wahoo..... wait, now that i think about it. it's sad as well. waaaaah. why does everything have to be contradictory?
the adventure ended at 6:29 PM
Saturday, February 05, 2005
alfie
i have to say that Alfie is a great movie. or maybe it's just the fact that i had no idea what to expect watching the movie cuz i didn't know what the hell it was about. all i knew was [according to my friend] that it was about this guy who would talk to the camera as he would make-out with several, very scantilly-clad women. well, this did go on a lot in the movie. hehehe. but it was also a perfect example of how every action has an equal and totally opposite reaction, that there exists karma, and all things done cannot be undone. that's three sayings in one. hahaha. at the first few minutes of the movie, i went on thinking "damn this alfie guy. this man is my god!" later in the movie, with all his quotes and principles on women [e.g. "aim higher!" "she was like this aphrodite sculpture i once saw. perfect. but cracked and destroyed on the side. but you'll never notice until you get really close." "women. if they don't get you one way, they'll get you another."] and refusal to commit, i thought, "i'm doomed to his future." i'd find myself saying those very lines i've just quoted. and here i am, complaining of a lonely valentine's. hypocrite. karma's gonna catch me soon. pero shit dude, sayang yung 3rd girl niya. played by sienna miller. she may have been a little off the line, but i believe she would've been the best bet out of the four.
if you've got a little time, catch this movie. i recommend it. especially for guys. guys with girl problems. emo-ness. hahahaha. [plus i loved the montage of the artsy pictures and all the phallic images and hidden symbolisms. check it out. astig!]
what HAVE i got? and.. what's it all about?
adventures on an idle day
today started out as an idle day and ended up an adventure. half the day, i spent a thome. either in front of the stupid computer, or lying dead on my bed. damn my bed. i hate the fact it's so soft and inviting. it makes it harder to get up every morning. it sucks when you try so hard to sleep and when you've finally reached that level of comfort, it's time to wake up already.
anyway, at around 3pm, i got pissed at how idle the day had turned out to be and decided to get off my lazy ass and do something about it. i had no transpo, no plan, no one to go out with, and the only money i had was the amount my mom left for me since they were gonna be out the whole weekend at caylabne. P500. good enough for an adventure. i got dressed and stepped out the door. i would go where my feet would take me. literally. i was texting three friends at the time and i asked all of them, "north or south?" apparently, a normal person's usual reaction [as proved three out of three times] would be north. hmmm, interesting. this determined that i would take the north line of the mrt first.
1st stop. boni mrt station.
not really a stop. wala lang. i just paused for a few minutes to buy my favorite isaw from the isaw-guy at the bottom of the stairs. the isaw guy and i even had a little chat on how his business was and how this guy once went up to him complaining of how his son was sick and dying cuz of his semi-cooked and fly-infested isaw. what a great man. talking about his product's food poisoning to someone who's eating his product right in front of him.
2nd stop. galleria.
i made a point that i'd go at this 'going-around-the-metro' thing alone. a loser i may be, but at least i was a ball-sy loser. hehehe. at galleria, i went around and checked the movies scheds. the thought of watching a movie entered my mind, but it seemed a bit anti-climactic to this expreience. went around further and checked if i'd find someone i knew. lo and behold, repper kevin atendido was there. haha. wala lang, a bit of an awkward chat and then i was off. after a little jollibee, snack, i went off to my next destination.
3rd stop. araneta.
i dunno why i went to araneta. but hey, i was there, so why not make the ebst out of it. after window-shopping abit at the araneta center, i checked out gateway mall. it was really really nice. and really really small. i heard it was supposed to appeal to the AB market, but it was a melting pot of social classes. which is good, actually. the movie house area was very nicely designed. anyway, on my way back to the mrt station, this woman approaches me and asks, "pwedeng makahingi ng pamasahe?" in my mind, i was like, "huh?" i told her, "wala ho akong barya eh." "eh kasi nanakawan ako ng pera sa bus kanina eh. pahingi lang ng pamasahe." i couldn't refuse even though at the back of my mind i thought it might have been a ploy for me to get my wallet out while one of the woman's accomplices jumps out and steals it. with a "bye. ingat.", she left. oh well. i'll never know the true story.
4th stop. shang.
spending 15 minutes a destination IS pretty stupid when you think about it. but then, you get to notice [and probably enjoy] the simple things you don't usually. like the fact that my bag [yup ,i brought a bag with an extra shirt, my book and my {mon's} discman] was checked 13 times during my whole trip. and 10 of the 13 times, a mere peek in the bag or a touch of the GARRETT was good enough. or the fact that three stranegrs will be talking with me in this trip. two down, one more to go. i guess peoplea ren't as unfriendly as we'd like to think. you can still talk to people. anyway, shang was okay. nothing new. definitely a place to 'be seen' as you shop at a/x or kenneth cole.
5th stop. shaw mrt station.
looked for dvd's. there were none. actually, there were some, but i was probably too ashamed to buy them.
"boss, dbd, dbd, ex, ex. dito po. dbd mubi." in the mrt, i noticed that 3/4 of the people sitting down were women. which was good. and whenever seats would free up, the guys standing next to them, would remain standing and wait for a woman or a jerk-guy to take the seat. ahhh. chivalry exists!
6th stop. glorietta/greenbelt.
i'd really rather venture to places which weren't malls, but i had no idea how to get to them and even my adventure had its limits. at glorietta, i went around and saw [count them] 22 couples on dates. am i creepy and nosy? why yes. yes i am. i also had a 'hot chick' count through out the trip,, buuuut, i'm not disclosing that here. but i counted the most in makati as well. and most of them were part of the 22 couples! hahahaha. i went and bought myself a new pair of earphones since the earphones on my discman had to be jiggled and licked and played around with for the LEFT side to work. the right was hopeless. along my purchase, i decided to get the rivermaya "you'll be safe here" compliation as well. imbecilesque is a great song.
7th stop. fort.
i removed myself from the single line of EDSA and went on to the fort taking a cab. hung out at mc home depot for a while. dropped by the upper parking lot and reminisced a bit. it was great, [the fact that the sunset was on its last leg on the horizon] cept a big part of the parking lot was closed. then i walked to the center in the [almost] dark [walking along the streets of fort bonifacio city is scary at night] and had a look around. bought a drink and sat down. i was gonna go check out market market, unforunately, funds were not enough to allow it and i got lazy to get a cab going to place that was too near for a car ride and too far for a walk.
8th and final stop. rockwell.
i also noticed that some people who are physically gifted [think 'the bodies' or 'viva hot babes'] are more likely trying too hard to prove that there's more to them than their physicalities. now i'm really sure that there's more in there than the large boobs and made-up face, but why try too hard and display a personality that isn't even you? i was in line at starbucks with this woman who ordered in english. she was like, "meeess, ay'll hab di karamel ma-kyato. lis fom, okiy? end nat tu hat!" couldn't help but snicker. before she spoke, i was checking her out pa! hahahaha. tagalugin mo na lang girl! it made mer remember watching this episode of the buzz a long time ago, when they interviewed 'the bodies' [i think]
Q: what do you think is your edge against other sexy stars?
A of the woman: [pause] hah? ano? ilang taon na ako?
guffaw guffaw! anyway, going home, i took a cab. i got to talk to the cab driver about how he hated it when kids like me would pile up in his cab, sometimes in mubers like 7 or 8, and go from house to house around metro manila, all noisy and probably drunk and won't even give a measly tip! i could understand that. 8 noisy kids in a car? i wonder what my driver feels whenever my friends hitch with me?
home.
i don't get to do things like this too often. that's why i enjoyed every minute of my journey. being the last person possible to fit in an MRT, to the point that the door almost closes on your ass. getting blisters on your ankles because of the stupid ankle socks you wore which allowed your shoes to chafe your skin. and looking at people. it's fun to just stop and look at the differences and uniqueness of each person. hehehe. haaay. i would have enjoyed it better if i had someone to share it with. now THAT would be a GREAT date. hahaha. spontaneity is something someone shouldn't live without but shouldn't take more than moderately. it's like anything else. for me, it keeps me sane and grounded and helps me to enjoy and live my life better. these sudden spurts of spontaneity are the moments i'll remember on the day i'll die, not the exam i studied for nor the thesis paper i'm supposed to be doing.
when i got home, i found out that my sisters and their bf's would all be going out to see a movie together. i' would have gone as well despite my aching body, but it was a good thing they took pity on me and decided to stay, order some pizza, and snuggle to a good dvd. now who's the fifth wheel? hehehehe.
weeellll, that was my adventure for today. i learned a lot and did a lot and did it all on my own. it appeased my stress and shit-ness to know that i can still enjoy experiences like this. i know i'm crazy, but i think everyone is. they're just to caught up in their lives to see it. peace out.
the adventure ended at 10:44 PM
Thursday, February 03, 2005
the spotful mind
i feel like shit. there isn't any other way to explain it.
maybe it's cuz after 11 school days [yes, 11 full school days], i'll be graduating. i'll be moving on to "greener" pastures. how green can they be? all i see is soil. but hey, from soil can sprout the most beautiful flowers. if only i were as optimistic as i ought to be. i look behind me and i see the perilous road that i have traveled in. as bumpy and muddy as it may have been, i enjoyed the ride. and with the next destination in sight. i wouldn't mind taking in a pitstop and enjoying the view for a while. you're only in highschool once.
maybe it's cuz i've been angry with myself for being a stupid, stupid boy. i've always said that i don't really care much for grades and stuff. i've always known who i am and what i'm capable of. but then it sucks to see your friends up there, the people who you see eye to eye with everyday. and here i am now, looking up. and what sucks more, is that i know i
could've done better. sure, let's be optimistic and say that something like that doesn't really change anything. they're still the same people you love and see as equals. but at some point, in the deep recesses of your heart, there's a twinge that makes you feel a little bit less superior, a little less of who you are. i hate inner-jealousy. face it, everyone has it and not everyone shows it. call it insecurity. fuck. i am so stupid.
maybe it's cuz i've once again strained friendships that i know i won't be whole without. damn those trivial reasons that cause you to fight. though you know you're probably gonna mend the wound in time, time still hurts.
maybe it' s the song i've put through my ears and into my head for the nth time.
broken sonnet by hale. beautiful song. depressing though. i fear that it is soon doomed to jologization. i wish i could write and compose songs like this. someday, i will. and i'll be damn good at it. dreams are free so shut the fuck up.
"still i see the tears from your eyes. maybe i'm just not the one for you."
maybe it's cuz of the ever-present popularity contest present. the judges are the contestants and not the winners seem the same all the time. we, as contestants, do really great things and really bad things as well. but then, the judges/other contestants "boo" and "weh" us all the same. i don't think any highschool batch an actually say that they are
one batch. take for example us, it's the honors' class and the rest. no matter what we do, we're always the losers. the geeks who are trying too hard. we win, it's "chamba", it's "luto". we lose, we're "dumb", "unathletic", "uncool". our hirits: "weeeehhh!". to think, our hirits are a lot more creative and offending than theirs. this gives me a little motivation to graduate and move on to Ateneo. as i am sure that but a few of my batchmates will be seen there.
maybe it's cuz i still don't have a balldate and the reply slips and payments are due tomorrow. people say "P.I.! marami ka naman pwedeng tanongin diyan eh!" fuck. it isn't all that easy. i don't have anyone i'd
like to go with. and if there is anyone, God means an impenetrable wall between me and the request i wish to give out the person. i'd go stag, but i don't think any one of my friends are. and that would just be stupid. besides, sayang din naman. it's the gradball. THE gradball. things you only experience once in a lifetime are worth making a "career development" out of.
maybe it's cuz it's valentine's week next week. and i'm lonely. [i'm selling roses by the way. message me for details.] hanggang dun na lang ako, taga-benta ng rosas. as spring-love fever comes, i deny all sadness and melancholy and muster up a wry smile. despite all the tribulations, broken ties and all the heartbreak bestowed upon me,
love works. it
still works. if not for me, at least for others. that's good enough for me. [somebody save me from lonliness]
"lumipas na ang panahon
ako'y nag-iisa pa rin
daloy ng mga alon
ay tahimik na sa akin"
maybe it's cuz i've totally gone against all my discovered principles and new-found beliefs by writing this entry. the child in me is growing up. and soon, he will be as old as me. and after that, he'll be older than me. i don't wanna grow up. i wanna grow old but never grow up.
haay.
better luck tomorrow.
the adventure ended at 6:23 PM
