Thursday, November 29, 2007
DiasporaWe're in a rut.
The other morning, one of my friends initiated a conversation about the future. She began to question the mystery of tomorrow. How we, as students, seem to have our own indiviudal chapters pre-written for us, years before publication. Would-be authors of future bestsellers, we garnish our stories with idealism, rainbows and stars, so sure that the books will end the way we want them to. The fact of the matter is, they don't. Strange is the book of life. No matter how hard you try to write it, it seems to end up writing you instead. That morning, during that rainy break from class, we talked about master's degrees and graduate schools and careers and universities and moving abroad. It was surreal to think that we were 19-20 year olds and we still didn't know much about life. What exactly is out there? What exactly should I do? It did seem like common ground, though, that the reality presented to us is far too small for our big dreams. We yearn for more. We are Jack, trading our cows of simplicity, cows of naivety, cows of identities for a little chance at "magic." The unknown. The wilderness. The point where the eye can no longer see. We all want to get there. We yearn to climb our beanstalks and face our giants, no matter how small we really are.
Then BOOM!
Trillanes and his boys start a ruckus.
There was simply too much mixed up emotion inside of me to warrant a concrete reaction. But basically, it seems that cow we're about to trade has gone amuck. Peeing on the side of the house, leaving crap everywhere, kicking you when you approach it, and basically being an ass of a cow. It's making it seems sooooo much easier to trade it away. Yes, the events of today made me reassess my thoughts on the direction this country is headed... and what I should do about it.
No matter what anybody says, there is still hope for the Philippines. This may be a wretched dump of a country, but hey, it's OUR wretched dump of a country and we'll be damned not to do a thing about it. We all complain how terrible this country is, how someone should do something about it. The problem is, those who have the power to deliberately choose not to. They trade their cows knowing that their magic beans will do them good. They all think, "Shit, no cow is worth this!"And in a sense, they are right. This cow does seem way too worthless to keep. but for some people though, this cow's all they know. And they'd rather stick it out and make the most of it since it's all they really have and since it's years before its prime. No matter what anybody says, there is still hope for the Philippines.
But is this hope enough to make one stay? Is there enough hope to spark the littlest form of nationalism in its citizens? Those who know better don't think so. But if they did know better, no offense, wouldn't they feed on that hope in the first place? Hayayay. Recent events have made me start to get annoyed with this country. The shim-sham traffic, the unbearable heat, the insane politics, the destructive pollution, the increasing poverty. It's kind of like sitting in a crowded room beside someone who is whistling WAY too loudly that it's annoying. What do you do? Do you tell that person to stop? Or do you sit somewhere else?
Personally, at this point in my life, I'm a confused Jack. I don't really know what to do with my cow. I don't really know what to think of those magic beans, so freely dangled in front of me. I'm worried of the repercussions of each decision I make. But at the same time, I'm thinking, should that really be my problem?
Selfish?
Maybe.
It's a lot to think about. And I'm thinking a lot. I'd better think quick though. That merchant's walking away and this cow's about to poop all over my shoe.
the adventure ended at 10:05 PM
Monday, November 19, 2007
I'm Bringing Sexy Back"I'm back, baby-doll!"
Months of hiatus later, I've finally decided to write once again. Feeling like a new-born child, I'm going to see if I can slowly get my groove back on (That sounded so lame. Hayayay). Even Michael Jordan's gonna be a bit rusty after a year on the injured list.
Anyway, it's been the most eventful couple of months of my entire life. If I just had it in me, I'd make an entire compendium of tales, twists, and thoughts regarding the traveling circus that is my life. Each stop, each show, different people come in to watch, to take in the experience. Some shows get more ecstatic cheers than a FIFA World Cup game, while some shows get louder boo's than a George Bush address. It all depends on circumstance and performance; factors I can control, and factors I leave up to the Big Guy.
It's funny though, this Circus' theme is Irony. The bearded lady doesn't have a beard. The lion tamer got eaten. The trapeze artist is afraid of heights. Yes. Life has been far too ironic not to consider the possibility of the universe conspiring against/for me. These past months, that stupid cliche that goes, "Everything in life happens for a reason!" has been the catch-phrase of existence. But in my Circus, we pay no attention to catchy lines and effective marketing strategies. We go for boring quotations that don't fit on signages and are such a hassle to read and have no recall whatsoever. In my Circus, the sign reads: "If you're truly honest with what you want out of life, for the most part, it gives it to you. Sometimes, in just really fucked-up ways.
No refunds." I can see the streamer now. Haha.
J's list of ironies:
It's ironic that...
...La Salle lost the games we came to watch, only to win the finals thereafter.
...I hit a kid on the road, almost killing him on the time that I drove ever so carefully.
...I'd quit smoking on a turbulent time in my life.
...we ended up in the Final Four on a marketing proposal that looked far too dubious in the beginning.
...my QPI's so high on a semester I worked so poorly.
...certain friends would only become friends again if certain friends would only become friends again.
...I'm changing the way I view the immediate future I had set myself so eagerly on having.
...he and I don't fight anymore the moment I stopped caring so much.
...I (finally) get the girl of my dreams when she's 7500 miles away.
...things aren't going the way I planned them to.
**
Funny thing about ironies. It always happens when you think that something is it;but, upon further inspection, upon universal intervention, you find out that it's not it. It's something you never thought would be it, but is. It's like the universe sending out a quirky little telegram saying, "You have no idea." More often than not, ironies suck. They're like getting socks for your 7th birthday. But I believe that's just cuz we're far too narrow-minded and puny-brained to grasp the entire idea of an irony. Where irony ends, human nature is tested. How shall one react to ironies? One is caught completely off-guard, trapped in a cage with a Lion called Existence, ready to eat one up. What does one do? Through it all, one just takes out the whip, and puts on a good show and hopes one doens't get bitten.
**
Forgive this crappy entry. Consider this my warm-up entry. Hehehe.
the adventure ended at 9:26 PM
