Sunday, May 28, 2006
life or something like itit's funny how things work out. i was here before, writing a really long entry about my previous adventures. and yes, they are stories worth telling. my solo escapades during the hongkong nights i lived through [which included hot-girl massages! yess!]. my daring ethan-hunt-mission-impossible-like escape from home just to be able to go out with friends. my trip to EK and Tagaytay on the same day with daboise and dagoils [?]. i was even going to put a portion on my thoughts on the NBA, on Lost, on American Idol. but then, it just happened. i just clicked Ctrl+A and pressed that little button called Delete. yes, i will tell the stories of my life. i will. but not through here. not to everybody.
"when you travel in the speed of life, you lose the sense of feeling. you get so numb that sometimes, you have to crash into each other just to feel anything at all."
life's been catching up with me lately. summer's been a blast, but i can't help but fret because i know everything's temporary and everything i've done in summer has just been one big diversion. a cover-up. an outlet. a timeout from the ballgame. i guess life is not a straight line after all. it's a series of advances, retreats, and missed turns.
**
when i hit puberty, i had this special friend. she wasn't my girlfriend or anything, but i found i could tell her anything in the universe. once, i asked her if things were ever going to change [cuz i loved the friendship i had with her]. she told me that eventually, it would. but then, she also said that i shouldn't worry about that. she told me that years from now, no matter how close or far away we'd be from each other, i would still remember that night we had that conversation. and even though everything else in the world would change, that memory would remain always. [of course, she didn't tell it in such an emo dawson's creek-like way as i've portrayed here] it's funny cuz i've never thought of that talk again until recently, as i went through old pictures and letters. i guess she was right. hahaha. we don't talk anymore and she is a million miles away, but still, the memory of that conversation five years ago remains. and that, i hope, will never change.
this thursday, i'm leaving with my dad for five days. this will probably be the last chapter of my soul-search-summer and i'm wondering what will become of me after. something tells me this trip's got more to it than i'm expecting. will i be "transmogrified" by monday night? i'm not sure. i kinda hope so. sigh. they say change is never easy. you fight to hold on. you fight to let go. sigh sigh sigh. we think that the stars in the sky are fixed, but actually, they are not. sometimes, we all just have to give in to change.
the adventure ended at 8:47 PM
Thursday, May 18, 2006
"cool"the "party lifestyle" really isn't for me. it's consuming me. making me stupid [yes, i look at my most recent entries and see how crappy they all are]. destroying my virtues and morals. and it's really getting in the way of my bumming around time [a period which i hold practically above all else]. i haven't gone out this much since.... ever. every night it's something new, something "cool", something to keep me from sulking alone at home. i guess, on some level, it really is a lot of fun. but then again, in the back of my mind, while i'm drinking, dancing with two left feet and a buzzed head, "appeasing" my raging hormones, i can't help think: "what am i doing here?" hahaha. i'm not "cool" enough for such an exotic way of life.
surveydue to the incessant atrophying of my brain, i've decided to complete a couple of surveys. just to get the braincells kicking again. expect a much more coherent entry next time.
What's your name spelt backwards?: j.
What did you do last night?: watched lost episode 21. read. played NBA live '06.
The last thing you downloaded onto your computer?: blackbird (acoustic) - the beatles.
Have you ever licked a 9 volt battery?: yes.
Last time you swam in a pool?: december '05.
What are you wearing?: jersey and shorts.
How many cars have you owned?: i don't have any cars of my own.
Type of music you dislike most?: house. i'm sorry. i'm not "cool".
Are you registered to vote?: not quite yet.
Do you have cable?: yyup.
What kind of computer do you use?: dell pc.
Ever made a prank phone call?: yes. ghost sounds. hehe.
You like anyone right now?: i honestly don't know.
Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?: yes.
Furthest place you ever traveled?: cape town.
What's your favorite comic strip?: calvin and hobbes. i've never seen such an intelligent stuffed tiger, let alone such a perceptive 6-year old.
Do u know all the words to the national anthem?: yes.
Shower, morning or night?: afternoon. when it's the hottest.
Best movie you've seen in the past month?: match point.
Favorite pizza toppings?: everything except peppers and onions.
Chips or popcorn?: popcorn!
What cell phone provider do you have?: globe.
Have you ever smoked peanut shells?: what?
Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?: smart guy '94! mr.photogenic! take that!
Orange Juice or apple?: orange.
Who were the last people you sat at lunch with?: my sisters.
favorite chocolate bar?: snickers cruncher.
Who is your longest friend and how long?: mon gelvezon. hahaha. kinder 1.
Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?: never have.
Have you ever won a trophy?: yup.
Favorite arcade game?: shooting games.
Ever ordered from an infomercial?: nope.
Sprite or 7-UP?: sprite.
Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school/work?: yes.
Last thing you bought at Walgreens?: what's walgreens?
Ever thrown up in public?: yes.
Would you prefer being a millionaire or finding true love?: neither.
Do you believe in love at first sight?: nope.
SPONGEBOB OR JIMMY NEUTRON?: spongebob. i hate, i HATE jimmy neutron.
Did you have long hair as a young kid?: sort of?
What message is on your voicemail machine?: it used to go "do not be afraid! it is only an
answering machine. leave your message after the beep." this was cuz us filipinos seem to be afraid of answering machines. why is that? anyway, now, we don't have one anymore. haha.
Where would you like to go right now?: angkor wat.
What's the name of your pet?: Maximillion. i love naming pets. i'm trying to get my sister to name our new bulldog Paris but i don't think she likes it too much.
What kind of back pack do you have, and what's in it?: jansport. nothing.
What do you think about most?: i think about too many things.
II.
*******SIMPLE QUESTIONS*******
1. FULL NAME: jose ricardo diaz abastillas.
2. NICKNAMES: j. jay. jay-r. jay-ar. jose. yaj.
3. EYES: black.
4. HEIGHT: 5'7" and 1/2.
5. HAIR: black.
6. SIBLINGS: three sisters.
7. DO YOU LIKE TO SING IN THE SHOWER?: no.
8. DO YOU LIKE TO SING IN THE TOILET?: hmm. sounds intriguing.
9. BIRTHDATE: 3/11/88.
10. SIGN: pisces.
11. ADDRESS: philippines.
12. SEX: male.
13. RIGHTY OR LEFTY: right. an ambidextrous hopeful.
14. WHAT DO YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP? this qualifies as a "simple question"? trust. effort. connection.
15. HAVE YOU EVER CHEATED?: in a test? yeah.
17. DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: i drive one. but it isn't exactly mine.
> > >*******FAVORITE QUESTIONS*******
19. MOVIE: finding neverland and eternal sunshine.
20. SONG: iris by the goo goo dolls and shimmer by fuel.
21. BAND/SINGER: goo goo dolls.
22. TV SHOW: lost. the wonder years. friends. the simpsons.
23. ACTOR: johnny depp.
24. ACTRESS: jessica alba.
25. FOOD: japanese, thai and italian.
26. NUMBER: 1. 6. 26.
27. CARTOON: calvin and hobbes.
28. DISNEY CHARACTER: stitch?
29. COLOR: blue. silver.
> > >*******LOVE LIFE ETC*******
30. DO YOU PLAN ON HAVING CHILDREN?: yes.
31. DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED?: yes.
33. HOW OLD DO YOU WANNA BE WHEN YOU GET MARRIED? 25 or 26?
34. WOULD YOU HAVE KIDS BEFORE MARRIAGE?: nope.
35. DO YOU HAVE A BF/GF? no.
37. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?: depends on what a crush really is. its definition's become distorted already.
> > >*****EITHER-OR (PICK WHICH ONE YOU PREFER)
38. MUSIC/TV: music.
39. GUYS/GIRLS: i'm not gay.
40. GREEN/BLUE: blue.
41. PINK/PURPLE: purple.
42. SUMMER/WINTER: summer.
43. NIGHT/DAY: night.
44. HANGIN OUT/CHILLIN: "chill". hehe.
45. DOPEY/FUNNY: funny.
> > >*******ALL ABOUT YOU*******
46. WEIRD SAYING YOU HAVE: i don't know. i say a lot of things. and they're all weird.
47. WHAT SCHOOL DO YOU GO TO?: AdMU.
48. HAVE YOU EVER TAKEN DRUGS?: nope.
49. WHAT'S A MAJOR TURN-ON FOR YOU?: physically, lips. other than that, good grammar. yes. good grammar and diction turns me on.
50. HOW FAR WOULD YOU GO ON A FIRST DATE?: tagaytay? hahaha. yes, screw the original context.
51. WHICH 5 PEOPLE ARE YOU OPEN WITH AND TRUST THE MOST?:
1) God
2) daboise
3) the "dads"
4)
5)
[yeah, i have trust issues i guess]
52. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF SOUL MATES? i don't know. they sound cool.
53. IS IT RIGHT TO FLIRT IF YOU HAVE A BF/GF?: don't initiate. reciprocate.
54. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU CRIED OR GOT TEARYABOUT?: elliot yamin got eliminated!
55. SOMETHING ABOUT GUYS/GIRLS YOU JUST hate? "these games we play."
56. ARE YOU HAPPY? yes!
57. WHY?: because in a little while, i'll be going out for McDo. oh, and Ate Pam's coming home tonight!
58. WHAT'S AN OBJECT YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT?: food. duh. hahaha. hmmm, i guess media.
59. LOVE OR LUST?: both. hehehe.
60. SILVER OR GOLD?: silver.
61. DIAMOND OR PEARL?: diamond.
62. SUNSET OR SUNRISE? sunset.
63. HAVE YOU EVER GONE SKINNY-DIPPING?: no.
64. DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS?: nope. not anymore.
67.AnY PIERCINGS?: nope.
68. WHAT COLOR UNDIES ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?: white. hehe.
69. WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?: i'm yours - jason mraz
70. WHAT ARE THE LAST 4 DIGITS OF YOUR CELLPHONENUMBER?: the name of a girl i used to have the biggest, most pathetic crush on.
71. WHERE WOULD YOU WANT TO GO ON YOUR HONEYMOON?: i want to go... sky diving!
72. WHOM DO YOU WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFEWITH? i have no idea.
73. WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THEOPPOSITE SEX?: the face. eyes. smile. lips. ooh, and the way that person speaks.
74. WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?: very very simple things. ako'y mababaw.
75???
76. WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU GONNA GET?: the new goo goo dolls album.
77. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS OR GLASSES?: used to. lost them.
78. WHAT'S THE BEST ADVICE GIVEN TO YOU?: steady ka lang.
79. HAVE YOU EVER WON ANY SPECIAL AWARDS?: yes. "special" awards.
80. WHAT ARE YOUR FUTURE GOALS? to get future goals. hehe.
81. WORST SICKNESS YOU EVER HAD?: fevers here and there. had this mental thing for a short time, but i got over that quickly.
82. DO YOU LIKE FUNNY OR SCARY MOVIES BETTER?: both.
83. ON THE PHONE OR IN PERSON?: in person.
84. HUGS OR KISSES?: hugs.
85. WHAT SONG SEEMS TO REFLECT YOU THE MOST?: para sa'yo - parokya ni edgar. i'm still here - john rzeznik. because i got high - afroman.
86. IF YOU DIE TOMORROW- WHO WOULD YOU LEAVEEVERYTHING TO? my mom.
87. DO YOU HAVE ANY ENEMIES?: i don't think so.
88. WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST FEAR?: dawn of the dead zombies.
89. WOULD YOU RATHER BE RICH OR FAMOUS?: neither. they both entail too many problems.
90. WHAT TIME IS IT IN ALBANIA NOW?: i don't know.
91. IF YOU HAD 24 HOURS LEFT TO LIVE, WHO WOULD YOUSPEND THAT TIME WITH?: i'll try to see everyone.
92. HAVE YOU MET SANTA?: yes!
93. IF E.T. KNOCKED ON YOUR DOOR HOLDING UP A PEACE SIGN ASKING TO USE YOUR PHONE WHAT WOULD YOU DO?: "putang ina!" then i'd run, grab something, anything, and smack him.
94. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU TALKED TO THE PERSONYOU LIKED?: i don't know.
95. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?: yes.
96. WHATS YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS?:
j.aventurero@gmail.com97. LAST TIME YOU WERE DEPRESSED?: a few days ago i guess.
98. ARE YOU AN ALCOHOLIC?: this summer's making me one!
99. WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?: i just found it off someone's blog
100. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT PERSON?: i don't know the person. he/she was probably bored like me.
101. DO YOU WANT YOUR FRIENDS TO WRITE BACK?: yeah, sure.
the adventure ended at 2:51 PM
Saturday, May 13, 2006
bite the dusthere's a list of things i want to happen in case i die really soon. the stupid things. but nevertheless, still things i want done. hehe. not that i think i'm gonna die or anything, just thought i'd have it written down.. just in case.
1) i want somebody to get the best entries of my blog, my notebooks, my random ramblings from all sources and compile them into one "book" or something.
2) i want all my guy friends to get chicks during my wake and/or funeral.
3) i want jau to keep logging onto friendster as me. who knows? i might get more testimonials if i die. hahahaha.
4) i want a concert during my funeral.
5) i want to every issue of FHM and UNO that i have to go to joel since it all came from him in the first place.
6) i want to be able to pick the pictures that'll be placed on top of my coffin during my wake. i wonde rhow that's possible.
7) i want a tv and dvd player in the room of my wake. so that my visitors won't get bored. hehe.
8) i want someone to visit me at the cemetery once a week.
9) i want to have a scholarship/chairty fund named after me. hehehe.
10) i want to be remembered. cuz i don't think there are lots of things worse than living, dying, then being forgotten. it's like your life never really mattered.
**
anyway, it's pretty obvious i'm "sabog" right now. i'm sorry for the sudden incoherent and irrelevant entry.
so sick"cool ako" for suddenly liking this song. it reminds me of someone. nothing emo. it's just that she'd do these nice little dance moves as the chorus would go on. i'd go bonkers.
i have to shut myself up. the effin' summer itch is getting to me. it'll all be over once june arrives. and everything will be back to normal. it's just the itch. nothing else. it's nothing real. this lapse of intensity [or lack thereof?] will soon end. i'm sorry again for the sudden incoherent and irrelevant entry.
the adventure ended at 2:29 AM
Saturday, May 06, 2006
kalayaanthe more fear one has, the more courage one can amassin our youth, freedom is a concept we think we understand. it is something we constantly yearn for, hence the coined terms "teenage angst" and "youth rebellion". actually, we have no idea what freedom really is. truth be told, if we knew what freedom is, we'd be afraid of it. absolutely afraid. and in some level, though we try not to show it, we are afraid. we have a small snippet of what this bewildering idea is through our everyday environment. and yet, the vast unknown is still frightening, so we take unconscious precautions just to keep ourselves sheltered in our own little cages. we cry and cry and cry until someone comes and
constricts us in thick blankets and rocks us to slumber. we call out and call out until somebody enters our room at night and
constricts us under our seemingly protective sheets [a process which we also call the art of "tucking in"] somebody's always there to "constrict" us from movement. that which we think is holding us back from a world of adventure is actually protecting us from it. we need to learn how to swim before we jump overboard. thus, we will always be a little dependent.
lately, the idea of freedom has become a little brighter than it has before. and all it did to me is make me even more afraid. yes. i'm scared to take risks. i'm scared to plunge into what seems to be oblivion. i want somebody to tuck me in and tell me that i'll be alright once i jump in. courage is my insatiable thirst. no matter how much i drink, i always seem to need some more. i must have a hole in my esophagus or something.
a many splendored thingthere's nothing more eye-roll-combined-with-sigh-of-either-pity-or-disgust inducing than reading about somebody else's failed love escapades. not too many people are interested to read emotional outpours of the same damn situations unless they include a lot of phrases like "fuck you, you fucking loser, go to fucking hell and fuck everyone there you fucking slutty fucker." [see, i got you reading!]. come on, you actually enjoy reading...
"blah blah blah i'm heart-broken. blah blah blah the heart still beats. blah blah blah i wish things would just go back to the way they were. blah blah blah i love her too much but i have to let her go. blah blah blah"???
this is why, for quite a while now, i've
tried to avoid emo love stories [or at least keep them to a minimum] because i know how much of a pain it is to read[i can't believe i used to write like that ALL the time]. so forgive me for this slight spill but i just feel that there's a little need to do so, just to keep things fresh. i'll try to do it quickly.
idle summer days are reminding me of how much it sucks being single. i guess it gets kinda lonely especially when you're alone at home, being pathetic, reading friendster profiles, checking out blogs and multiply's. i'm suffering from the summer itch. this little bug bites me every summer. [okay, i promise the next line's as emo as i'll get. and it's the last line too] i guess i need somebody.
Labels: Special
the adventure ended at 6:30 PM
Monday, May 01, 2006
changesthe moment my dad became a tempest of silver tears, i knew the process was near completion. i have never been one to say what i needed to say at the right moment of saying it. i have never been one to truly express in perfect, non-slurring sentences my inner-most sentiments [women who have gazed directly at the eyes of this monster will tell you that. hah!]. i have always been a bigger secret than i let on. i have never been as strong nor as assertive as i may have portrayed to the world around me. i've always been the pirates' shipwrecked-looking vessel, pillaging what i can to keep myself strong, to keep this ship's rotting deck and tattered flag as bases of fear or high regard rather than pity or sympathy.
[i remember one moment in time, a perfect example of the facade hiding a limbo of confusion. i was advising my friend about what he should do regarding his present girlfriend of two years. back then, they weren't a couple yet, and were having certain problems, as usual courtship rituals do. my friend became rather frustrated with me after i disapproved certain actions and words he had been relaying to the girl, telling him that he wasn't doing the proper things. he told me something i will never forget. "ano ba. wala ka ngang karapatang magbigay ng payo diyan eh. ano ba basehan mo? bago ka magbigay ng payo, ayus-ayusin mo muna sarili mong buhay." he was right. and so, the slow slow process of "pag-aayos ng buhay" went underway.]
but on that moment, my dad, as the great god Atlas, put down a planet of raw emotions and perceptions from his shoulders. gazing upon this amazing, godly feat, despite my mere human attributes, i never flinched. the usual quiet mouse that whimpers at the sound of thunder is now gone. even with his tone growing more and more serious, more and more intense, worthy of Zeus, i remained collected and spoke with all honesty, respect, and love. i was the quiet rain that followed each thunderstorm.
there was no spite at all. no ill feelings. just the truth. and the truth, as i have been told, is a raging waterfall. there is beauty and majesty in its angry and destructive appeal. but rapids, too, recede into calm waters, and more importantly, gain depth. that night, i understood my father. eighteen years of life and only now was i able i pull the tack off the lion's paw. i saw through the hundred and one billion differences we shared and realized we shared a lot more than that. i made my father cry that night because i was finally able to tell him what he needed to know about me and how i felt/thought about him. even for a moment, the two wavelengths we resided on clasped together. eighteen years i thought of this creature to be a rusty cyborg, and suddenly, in tears, he becomes a man. more a man than anyone i know. a chip off the old block? the fruit never falls far from the tree? yeah. all of those hideous sayings apply.
regarding the changes within me... well... i guess, basically, figures of speech aside, i'm getting more and more mature. i just need a little more time. soon, i'll be ready to save the world.
the adventure ended at 7:44 PM
