Sunday, July 24, 2005
wow. my 5oth blog entry. and on this blog alone. this is presently my 3rd official blog, excluding the crappy ones that didn't work out. from
http://oogoog.blog-city.com to
http://www.xanga.com/oogoog to this. wow. i've been in this longer than a lot of people. more than two years. even before friendster came along. haha. intense.
who i ami was listening to an old Creed cd the other day and i came across the song
Higher it's a re-current hit from about, say, four years ago. and i never really got around to listening to the lyrics back then. and when i did, a few days ago, it fucked me up. yeah. i realized that i am this song.. personified.
When I'm dreaming I'm guided to another world
Time and time again
At sunrise I fight to stay asleep
Cause I don't want to leave the comfort of this place
Cause there's a hunger, a longing to escape
From the life I live when I'm awake
So lets go there
Let's make our escape
Come on let's go there
Let's ask can we stay?
Can you take me higher?
To a place where blind men see
Can you take me higher?
To a place with golden streets...
...Up high I feel like I'm alive for the very first time
Said up high I'm strong enough to take these dreams
And make them mine
whoa.
and cuz of this. it made me think sooo much again. about the things i want and the things that i am and am not, and what i wanna become. and i realized that i'm never gonna reach the absolute ideal that i wanna obtain, which is [right now] the point of my whole life.
but then, this is the inner me talking. the rational, plain self that still exists is the one that's saying that i am totally fucked up in the head and in the heart. why the hell should i be thinking of such things anyway? i guess it's the part of human nature that God maybe forgot to imprint in my soul when He was creating me. i
know it's stupid, but still, i can't accept it. everybody dies. but only a handful of people actually live. and i'd rather live for a moment being one of those people than die like everyone else. what we're living, even the hardest/most dire/most bizzare/most fantastic of times, this can't be life. not just this.
right? [fuck. this is the nth time i've talked about this. stupid stupid me]
shit man. okay na eh. i mean i was okay with everything already. i was at peace. but this song had to come along to ruin it all. haha. but nevertheless, i love the song. and i believe it's starting to rank up in my list of all time favorite music. haha.
the adventure ended at 2:30 AM
Monday, July 18, 2005
weekend getawayi went to bohol with my family this weekend. it was a great getaway. i completely forgot about everything bothering me right now. if i had the chance, i'd stay as long as i could. but because of school, had to go home early. first time i rode a plane on my own. every five minutes i'd think the plane would crash and i'd die, but sure enough, it didn't.
click the images to enlarge.
the young ones after "star-fishing"
please notice how INTENSE my dad is with the videoke thing. yeah, we brought the Magic-Sing along. makes for good inuman nights with the family. [everyone in the picture is wasted]taeneo says "inamo la salle!"
school's been really eventful. ergo, i have come up with this list..
*FIVE THINGS IN AdMU THAT YOU WILL PROBABLY NOT FIND IN LSGH*strange academicswell, so far, the academics are all okay. i am finding english and fiction highly amusing. i love the professors and their teaching styles. hehe. but then, i never thought i'd hate chem more than i hated it way back in thrid year. and i never thought i'd find a worse chem teacher than my teacher back in third year. chem = death. and what sucks is that it's just because of our lovely, ever-smiling [psycho] teacher. the other chem classes have it so easy.
wide range of extra-curricularsi've been going org-crazy since recruitment started. signed up for The Loyola Mountaineers, Harvard - PAIR [i just had to mention harvard], The Ateneo Association of Communication Technology Management, and The Ateneo Rifle Pistol Team [ARPT {sounds like armpit}]but then, sadly, due to katamaran to pass the requirements and after weighing everything out, i decided to withdraw from TheLoyola Mountaineers [which was by far my first choice] and the H-PAIR thing. but then, that gave a little more room for anotherorg that didn't require THAT much. so i joined Gawad Kalinga. yeah, orgs are fun. i REALLY wanna get in the varisty for the pistol team, and cease to attend P.E. forever. hehe. gotta practice more. here was my 2nd target board. don't wanna bother showing the first. [naks!]
intense block Rah, yes. the whole block R has taken the LSGH term "intense" into their vocabulary. apparently, it applies to a lot of things in this block. hehe. i love my block. i've never seen so many different individuals in one group who got along so well. so many different characters but still, the ties are there. see, in la salle, since i've been around the guys for soooo long, you can't really help but see the similarities among us. and so far, SO FAR, issues haven't really surfaced unlike in highschool.
great cafeteria foodsee, in la salle, there's either sisig with rice or siomai with rice. and the obscure, weird looking viands that they always serve. food in la salle is prepared as if just in one big kaldero where they just mix up everything and put it into a tray and serve it. when they "wash" the used plates and utensils, they dip em in water, move it about a while, and presto, good as new.
i have never seen a caf that serves Grilled Blue Marlin with Lemon Butter Sauce, or Dinuguan with puto, or Kare-Kare even. there's even a special booth for dieting people. great. can practically live off the stuff at the AdMU caf(s).
green blood [or at least except from us]yes, sadly, i am still a lasallian at heart and that's something that still sorta makes me feel weird attending school in ateneo. don't get me wrong, i'm not that immature [though i am at some level], i just feel like this entire change of environment is a bit shocking, you know? culture shock, one might say.
**
long tests galore this week. i'll blog again soon.
the adventure ended at 7:39 PM
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
green blood flows through these veinswell, just to keep it as blatant and frank as possible, La Salle won! haha! by a lot. imagine, what team would actually go down as much as 33 points? tsk tsk. di kinaya! hahaha. so my record of watching La Salle games live has just improved to 5-0. yeah.
repriseentry below was from my old blog, dated September 2, 2004.
the real definition of a perfectionist is someone who gets everything he wants all the time. ergo, no one is a perfectionist. no one is a perfectionist because life isn't always fair. it doesn't always play by your rules. it doesn't care how much you get hurt and how much you lose. you gamble on it. and sometimes, you just won't win. we all have our dreams. we want to be lawyers, celebrities, doctors, pilots, musicians. people who bet their whole lives to win a little cheese and get there are probably the luckiest people in the world. but then, people who don't get it, who want the prize more than those who won, are just plain unfortunate. some dreams are just not worth keeping. some we just store in a drawer and take out from time to time to admire. i've just realized this. everything i thought i will be in the future is not everything i will be. the things i've always wanted, the people i've always wanted to share my life with are just dreams in my drawer, there for admiration.
sometimes i wish that life was digital, that it came with its own remote control. you could fast forward, rewind, and most importantly, pause. pause at the moments worth keeping. the moments worth forever. moments like those come by too quickly. pause receiving that diploma. pause at that first dance. pause at that first kiss. pause at that 'i do'. pause at that first bawl of that first baby. pause at the eyes of that first grandchild. and at that last moment, go to scene selection, and play the best scenes one last time. but with a life like that, we'd all be perfectionists. life would suck. nothing would be real. it would all be something controlled by us. we'd be alive but not living. we'd be happy but not content.
my dog died the other night. her name was princess. we got her about 3 years ago with a partner, max. they'd been together since they were puppies. we didn't know why nor how she died. but after she did, max hadn't been the same. when someone would pass him by, he'd bark, he'd howl, he'd pant, he'd go wild. but then again, he's always been like that. no. this time, it was different. you'd feel it. plus the fact that he'd go for hours on end. it's the only time asides his usual plea for food that i understood him. he missed princess. he was asking us where she was. they say missing someone is the most painful feeling of all. you're anxious, you're longing, you're depressed, you're empty, you're lonely; it's so many feelings packed up in you. it's such a powerful emotion even dogs feel it. and you can feel them feeling it. but the question remains: how can you keep missing something that you know will never come back to you? it's an unbelievable, unexplainable waste of yourself. but at the same time, it's the only thing you can do. when you miss someone or something, it means that a part of you was taken away and no matter how much you try, nothing fills the void. it's a part of YOU that's missing. and it's natural that YOU won't be the same if you're not COMPLETELY you.we've missed so many things in our lives. how much void have we tried desperately to fill up? how much part of ourselves do we still have? how much have we changed?
the adventure ended at 5:19 PM
Saturday, July 09, 2005
chosen onewe've all been there. at some point of our lives, we all thought that the whole world revolved around us. that we were in the center of it all. that this was
my world and everyone else is just feeding off of it.
here's another one. i'm sure most of us, if not all, have all thought that this life is second-rated, that it just plain sucks. but then, maybe, one day, like in those amazingly stupid shows that we watch, someone from another dimension, another world would just appear in our doors and say, "you are the chosen one. you will do great things. you will save the world. you will live a life of adventure. please, come with me." or maybe, you've all thought of different scenarios, but essentially, we're all thinking the same.
in some aspects, i still believe these things to be.
we're
all chosen ones. we're all destined for something. we all have something to live for. but the thing is, it's never enough, is it? i'll slap your face if you tell me that you're completely happy and contented with your life. i know i'm not.
it just sucks sometimes that life has to be so cruel. ands it sucks even more when you can't do anything about it. so what's the use of complaining? let's all just shut up and keep on living. no use being emo. but still, you can't help agree that it is
just utterly annoying. i hate it when every stint of happiness you get is paired up with one that's all painful and dire and blah.
it's hard to squeeze as much as you can out of life when what you've squeezed out tastes awful.
UAAPtomorrow, the time will come. i will return to the place where i truly belong. i can't wait to cheer the cheers that i have kept in my heart. haha. i'm so excited. after all the trouble getting tickets, the lines, the plannings, the waking-up-early-s, we finally got tickets. hahaha. at least tomorrow, i'll forget everything that's hassling me and i'll start worrying about the things that really matter for the moment. even if it's just for a day. that's all i need to keep me sane.
win or lose, it's
la salle we choose.
the adventure ended at 12:28 PM
Monday, July 04, 2005
can't think of anything to write.
hmm.
here we go.
bad dayhad a bad day today. nothing too bad happened though. i just got up from the wrong side of the bed. that's all. i felt really crappy the moment i got up. and for the rest of the day, a dark gray raincloud was following me around. and at some [several] points of the day, quite literally [stupid rain]. yeah. umm, the day was actually okay. class was good except the fact that i hadn't slept well the previous night and i had to go around being all zombie-like. i didn't even know i wore my overly bright-red Thierry Henry jersey until i was in the car already. i was bullied for the first time in Ateneo. first-hand experience of the stratification that is manifested in Ateneo through "owenership" of benches.
sorry, upperclassman. if we had stayed where we usually hung out, we'd be all wet. i really wanted to do something about it, you know? i was having such a bad day and that asshole just made it all worse. i wanted to talk back and [attempt to] kick his ass. clearly, my mind was already lost since the guy was twice my size and had a posse of
gangzta-nationalz right behind him. good thing, for once, it was the back of my mind giving me good, rational thoughts. so when the guy blatantly
kupal-ed my blockmates and i, even though his statement was directed to me, i moved away. steadily moved away. felt like shit afterwards, but i guess i just had to let it go. had to let it go along with the fact that i was having a bad day. i went home right after lunch. and after part II of my Friends Season Six Marathon, i got myself feeling much better [yeah, a whole season of Friends in two days. intense.]
**
that's all for now. i really just forced this out for the sake of updating this blog cuz it's been 8 days since my last entry. i promise a nice entry when i return. probably about the UAAP. hehehe.
the adventure ended at 7:49 PM
