Sunday, February 26, 2006
notemy friend asked me why my blog had "711" in its URL. it's from an ancient Hebrew Alphabetic Numeration. where each letter corresponds to a certain value. for example, Jesus would equal to "515". and so, taking "Jay" into play, it turned out to become 711. a nice number. hence, it tunred out in the URL.
Aa = 1; Bb = 2; Cc = 3; Dd = 4; Ee = 5; Ff = 6; Gg = 7; Hh = 8; Ii = 9; Jj = 10, Kk = 20, Ll = 30; Mm = 40; Nn = 50; Oo = 60; Pp = 70; Qq = 80; Rr = 90; Ss = 100; Tt = 200; Uu = 300; Vv = 400; Ww = 500; Xx = 600; Yy = 700: Zz = 800
second thoughtsi was going to fill this entry with political comments and rhetorical questions bashing numerous people and institutions, buuuut i realized that it isn't worth being all intense about anymore. all i have to say is that we should just all do our part and stop pointing fingers because when there are fingers pointing there are less hands to do the actual work. we need all our fingers to do work with our hands. and we can't do it pointing fingers or flipping other people off with the middle one.
oh, and if there's one thing i know, it's that Filipinos are one of the most resilient races in the world. the universe, if you will. it'll take a lot more than this to bring down our spirits.
crucifixionGod taught us that love is all about sacrifices. but not just any kind of sacrifice, it's the type that entails one to suffer for the sake that others' feel safe, special, cared for, and of course, loved. it shouldn't want something back in return. it shouldn't be a business deal. "because i love you, i expect you to love me back. i expect you to have a certain level of committment and devotion with me." no.
i guess this i something i have to learn. with regards to my faith in the Lord, to my friends, to courtship, to my family, and to all the aspects of my life.
insignificantexistence, according to science, is around 15 billion years old. and i'm nearly 18. do the math. we might as well not have existed and no one would really notice. it's funny, actually. i finally understand how joel feels about everything. [fyi, joel is the man dwells in the sector of humanity's insignificance in the dimension of the entirety of existence]
i've been readins non-stop about the universe lately. wala lang. theories and such. astonishing, really.
the adventure ended at 11:07 PM
Friday, February 24, 2006
balancethe universe has always needed balance. though it has been said through one of the laws of thermodynamics that all things tend toward disorder, this still means that everything, at some point, has balance. in normal meals, people want their drinks ice cold and their meals piping hot. that's balance. the human body composes of the right amounts of carbon, iron, potassium, and an array of other elements. but this doesn't mean that if you place all those elements in a jar and mix them up that you'll be able to form a human being. there is balance among all the components, and a specific way of putting them all together. that's balance.
how would everything be without balance? i mean, imagine if allen iverson, kobe bryant, tim duncan, lebron james, and shaq all played in one team. that would be anarchy. i guaran-damn-tee that they'd lose a lot because of the loss of the balance of power [but come to think of it, yeah, if that team would be unstoppable if they worked on it well enough]. anyway, like i said, balance comes with everything; including power.
so we come to the discussion on Philippine politics. yes. the balance of power is dying. it's like a scrawny kid on the see-saw with a sumo wrestler. look outside. the oppressed think that there is nothing better to do than to take their case to the streets and pollute Ayala Ave. with unwanted litter, noise, and most of all, disorder. but i don't blame them. the "fat cats" of of Philippine politics have long been feeding off them, like flies and mosquitos with icky suckers that just draw all life and livelihood from these poor people. i soooo want to blame a side, but i can't. it's all our faults. we destoryed the balance. we're leading ourselves to our own doom. like stupid little lemmings, we'll all follow each other to our desturction if we don't stop with all the drama that's fit for a telenobela. i look at what's happening on TV and i say to myself with an emotional, single-tear-streaming-down-the-cheek look , "what have we done...? what have we become...?"
i get so paranoid that something bad might happen. and i know i shouldn't even worry. the odds of something happening are very low, and i can really just do what i will. but for some reason, i'm shit-scared. which is a reason why i'm home alone on a friday night. everyone's out having fun, but i'm alone at home, stocked up on books to read and dvd's to watch, feeling as if i'm trying to survive nuclear fallout. stupid me.
anyway, i sure hope that everything turns out for the best and more importatnly, that no one gets hurt in the process.
urgh. the Philippines isn't ready for democracy. it makes me wish my sister would run for office in the future and become a dictator. hahaha.
**
ganado akong magsulat ngayon. i'll post another entry this weekend. hehe.
the adventure ended at 8:06 PM
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
incubusi've been having trouble sleeping lately. i dunno. a normal human being takes seven minutes to drift off to dreamland. it takes me around an hour or so. and that is, if i don't get all restless and decide to get out of bed already. in which case, it'll take even longer. i had a phase similar to this a long time ago, but the difference is, that time, i was intentionally not sleeping.
nagmumuni-muni. but this time, i really, really, really want to enter slumber, but it's just so darn difficult. the sheets get hot, the pillow gets flat, the different sounds around the room suddenly become amazingly audible. argh. i want sleep!!!!
notesometimes, we don't do the things we want to do because we're afraid that other people might know that we want to do them.much has been said.
groupiethe goo goo dolls have a new album. and a new single. well, it's not that new but i only found out recently. for those of you who don't know, i'm an intense goo goo dolls fan. if i could be a rockstar, i'd be john rzeznik in a flash [that guy from creed comes a close second]. the single's called "Better Days". it's pretty Christian actually, but is still a wicked cool song. hehe.
**
well, that's it. a light entry for now. not much to tell anyway.
oh, my birthday's coming up. yeah.
the adventure ended at 11:30 PM
Sunday, February 19, 2006
curtain callwe had a good show! a big thanks to everyone who watched our show. hope you all enjoyed it. back to normal, stoic life once again. it was great while it lasted. i'll miss the moment. i'll miss that old feeling.
shifting sandthe other night, i was with dre and pedro on the roof. i have to tell you, there's just something about the roof that makes you talk about the weirdest things. it could be the fact that it's all too cold and peaceful. it could be the perfect view of the stars and the moon. or maybe the city lights [one can actually see eurostar from the roof]. maybe even the occasional sighting of shooting stars [which we had the privilege of having that night]. whatever it is, going up the roof is like going to another planet. everything in this world is suddenly blocked out, and we feel as if we own time and the entire universe.
anyway, of all the things we talked about, from our individual sentimental crap about friendship, love, and etc, to my weird philosophical and scientific theories, to pedro's alleged sexcapades which led to alleged genital disorders, the topic that struck me the most was dre's queries and comments on faith.
i have never been a religious person, but i've always been a faithful one. i keep an open mind and i do have my doubts, questions, and fits of denial like everyone else, but my faith will never falter. because in an existence where there's no such thing as certainty, all you really have is your faith. your ideals, your philosophies, your principles, and everything in between. that night, we tested our faith talking about the irony of predestination and free will, the imminent end of the world, the possibility of God and the devil actually working hand in hand, being able to serve in the Army of God, and the fear that when the time comes that the world might end, and we are given the final choice of sides, if we'll be able to keep a steadfast faith and choose the right side despite all the temptations and offers [i hope i'm strong enough]. i don't think i can express how sincere and intense our conversation was. talking about what we did ignited mixed emotions within me. most of it was very contradicting. i remember ending the conversation saying that i knew that our faith had so many ironies and contradicting ideas, and there's not a thing we know. but we are only human. i believe that everything has an answer, it's impossible for something to not have a reason, but it's just that we do not possess the capacity to understand these answers. it's beyond us. and the closest thing we've got to something concrete is faith. i don't know if we'll all be saved or we'll all be doomed in the end, but i'd sure like to believe in something amazing and genuinely good. because if i don't, what's the point?
only God can judge me.
the adventure ended at 9:37 AM
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
not enough vitamins, kulang sa kulayi feel lousy. it's show time tomorrow. i feel weary and unprepared. each day, i run on my seemingly unlimited amount of adrenaline. but sooner or later, it's going to have to run out. i need a break. and yet, despite it all, i still believe that it's hella fun and extremely fulfilling doing what we've been doing. exhausted as i am, i'm still much more excited than i am worried for the shows to come.
theater's helped define me as a person. it's molded me a lot. it's been part of my life since 2001. now, this will be my 7th major production and yet i've never really gotten the hang of it all. as far as i'm concerned, i still feel like a rookie. there's a dark cloud looming overhead though. i feel as though this will be my last time [at least for a very long time] to grace the presence of the divine stage. somewhere along the road, i'm going to have to draw the line between hobby and passion, and decide on which side i should stand on. no straddling allowed.
post-valentine thoughtswhen Plato was still young and was dealing with courtship for the very first time, he asked his mentor how he would know if he was in love. he already knew it existed, and he already knew that it was all around him, but he didn't know how to determine if he, himself, was in love and if he would pick the right person for him. assertive and determined to teach his student, his mentor told him to go to the wheat field and pick one leaf that he believes is the most extraordinary one. Plato did as he was told. he returned a few moments later with nothing in his hands. his mentor asked him why this was so. to this, Plato replied, "while i was on my journey, i saw a leaf that seemed to be extraordinary but i didn't pick it up because i thought i might find one even more extraordinary ahead. i found another one and thought the same thing so i laid it down and looked some more. this happened over and over. confused as i was, i decided to give up and come back here." his mentor then told him, "the same thing will happen with love. you must learn the value of acceptance, devotion, trust, and most of all, certainty."
Plato's mentor had something there, don't you think?
the adventure ended at 10:49 PM
Sunday, February 12, 2006
wow! 10,000 hits in 15 months. thank you very much! hehehe. i'll keep on posting if you keep on reading.
single awareness daymy dad made a bet with me two or three years ago. he told me that if i didn't have a girlfriend by the time i was 18, he'd take me wherever i wanted. i asked him then if he was serious, he told me, "why not?" i'll be 18 in less than a month, and from the looks of it, i'm going to win the bet.
i don't want to win the bet. it's not that i don't want to be in a relationship, i guess there's just something wrong with the entire idea of it all. i've done a LOT of stupid and evil things to people before, and i really am sorry for all of them. but i don't know if i regret doing them. maybe cuz everything
sort of turned out for the best. and all those experiences solidified everything that i am right now, and that makes me grateful. at least the way i see it. but now, after everything that's been, i'm shit-scared of what lies ahead. and i really wanna back off and be like every other cynic that hates the God-forsaken "holiday" coming up. i no longer want to take chances. i no longer want to feel. the words "you'll never know unless you find out" do not appeal to me any longer. at least for now, while i settle the issues about myself, i wanna do nothing. self-preservation, if you will. and not only that, i don't want to risk involving anyone in my pit of despair. no more. especially people who don't deserve it. people i care for.
but it's hard once
that old feeling comes back. it's hard not to take a chance. but i know that i shouldn't. so
i guess i won't.
happy valentine's day to everyone celebrating it. on that night, i'll be alone at home, prolly be watching re-runs of friends. hahaha.
showour show's in a week. i want everyone to watch! Looney Alley. February 17, 2006. 8pm at the Philam Theater on UN Ave. tickets are priced at P300. hope everybody can watch.
**
anyway, i'm feeling blank right now. i'm facing a major writer's block [hence, the long-spanned entries]. i just hope i can squeeze enough inspiration out of myself to be able to write some more.
the adventure ended at 12:54 AM
