Monday, June 26, 2006
post modernismman's quest for what he doesn't know and what he doesn't have will ultimately destroy him. - anon.
today i imagined i saved the world.
an evil man with long, flowing hair was taking over the world. he was dressed up like he came from a Final Fantasy game: a cape with fancy embroidery, an armor plated chest with a crest that symbolized power, gauntlets, and a long, long sword in its holster by his side. but most importantly, he had long flowing hair. it danced along with the wind.
for some reason, it seemed as if he and i had some sort of history. it was like at a point in my life, i had known him and he had been dear to me. (just as all hero/anti-hero scenarios go)
cities were in ruins and hundreds of millions had died in his hand, including people i had cared about. it had been a long journey, but with the help of some compatriots, i was finally at the final stage. on a meadow in the outskirts of a city, we stood far enough from each other not to see the expression on the other's face, but near enough to feel that this would be the end for one of us. moonlight struck the meadow of white flowers that surrounded us, shimmering silver.
what was i doing this for? i could easily just walk away and hide from all this. i could just let him take over the world and live my own quiet life somewhere far, far away where even his plots would not reach. was i doing it for the world? for the people? for the ones whom not once have shown any compassion for one another? for peace? for freedom? for love? i had fallen in love with one of my compatriots. a beautiful young woman with a perfect face and a perfect heart. the kind of girl only drawn and animated. the kind of girl who dwells only in the imaginations of the idealistic. yes, i had fallen in love with her. so maybe, besides peace and freedom, i was doing this for love.
i drew my sword.
an orchestra of intense choir voices with musical accompaniment suddenly cued.
"i'm not going to let you do this...."
a flash of light.
we clashed...and the battle was on.
we fought. hand on hand. foot on foot. sword on sword. one on one. good versus evil. the epic battle of history.
a flash of light.
as i thrusted and parried, i thought of her. my fair lady. my princess. i thought that maybe after all this, i could take her to see the stars one night. she and i, and the stars.
sparks came from the crashing swords. far away, one could see clouds of smoke and dust from all the times we've struck each other and fallen on the cold ground.
he was doing doing this for power. i was doing it for peace, for freedom, and love. i held the banner of idealism, while he fashioned the flag of practicality and reality. i was the good one and he was the evil one. his hair still danced impeccably with the cold breeze.
a flash of light. slow motion.
a white flower slowly faded into red.
i had been stabbed.
his hair danced in the cold, cold breeze.
falling down, i recollected all the things that had happened that led to this very moment. i thought of the time someone had told me that i was the one. i thought of the journey i had made going from place to place discovering new ways to defeat my foe and meeting comrades along the way. i recalled the cheesy nights and the cliche days that i had fighting, losing, winning, repeating.
"you are no match for me. with you out of the way, my evil plan will be completed. soon, yadiyadiyadiyah the world blahblahblah and will be mine etcetcetcetc."
bad guys talk too much.
cringing nad near death, i lay on the floor of that silver meadow. i once again thought of why i was doing this and who i was doing this for.
i imagined the people liberated and a new world worder with peace and harmony. and i imagined her and the stars.
i got up, slowly and groggily and resumed battle stance.
the choir sounds got louder, more intense.
i was charging up my power, slowly becoming more and more powerful. a visible aura of light could now be seen flowing around me.
my foe's hair shot up with the wind as he began to hold his ground.
"grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggh!!!"
a flash of light.
silence.
a flash of my muse's face.
a flash of the people who don't care, hailing me for saving them and their pointless lives.
a flash of light.... and darkness.
and with that, i had done it. my foe, lay on a bed of dandelions and begonias, lifeless.
my bloodstained sword glimmered pink in the moonlight.
the ending began.
the adventure ended at 7:13 PM
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
the nerdyou've never felt real heat and humidity until you've studied in "the" Ateneo. participating in the Death March would be a lot more fun than walking around Ateneo at high noon. well, anyway, despite the lack of breath, the excess of sweat, and the repetitive bellows of "tangina, ang init! it's like a furnace," there's a refreshing feeling to be back in school. i'll have to admit, having gone through my first summer without any entire-summer activities, it's been a pretty long vacation. it was filled with action, adventure, new friends, j for vendetta, etc. hence, its effect on the present schoolyear: it was kinda good that i did all i could and went out as much as i could during summer because it made me pacify all the intensity, the hormones, and the general longing to live an outrageous teenage life.
so now, with a certain level of dismay, there's nothing more to do than be a nerd.
it's only the second day and i've already been studying for hours. HOURS.
i plan to get at LEAST a 3.6+ QPI this semester. it may just be hoping for too much, but as my friend Dre would say, "reach for the stars. though you might not get there, you'll still find yourself on the moon." it sounded kinda awkward the first time i heard it [coming from dre, of course] but it really has a good "message" attached to it.
and so, to support this whimsical dream i am trying to realize, i've taken the initiative to sit in front in each of my classes, take good notes, and study thoroughly every night.
but then again, i do this at the start of every schoolyear, how can this be any different? "ningas kugon," i believe, is what they call this terrible, fatal condition i am inflicted with.
sigh. so wish me luck an pray for me. this semester's a big one.
back to Accounting.....
the adventure ended at 11:30 PM
Thursday, June 15, 2006
who's afraid of the big bad wolf?it's tough. nothing's ever easy. but i AM trying my hardest. i'm fighting. it's funny cuz number 10 on my last entry is dedicated to myself, among other people. haha.
The Japanese Sunset Burns Like WildfireThe Japanese Sunset burns like wildfire.
Never has terror and beauty walked
together, arm in arm.
Two million hues of yellow and four
million shades of red.
The final farewell of a day lived
with agony and bliss.
The first greeting of a night of
dreams and darkness alike.
God is a painter whose palette is
our sight; canvas, the sky.
My shadow towers over me like a
predator disguised as my muse.
The clouds walk with me as I
chase the waning sun.
She leaves me with the promise of tomorrow.
Marvel is fleeting and
love,
the Japanese Sunset.
**
though it only lasts a moment, you should see how beautiful a Japanese sunset is. hahaha.
the adventure ended at 3:31 PM
Sunday, June 11, 2006
ten things i hate about youi did this a year ago. yes. almost exactly one year ago. a little more even. so let's make this an annual thing...
here's how it goes. write 10 things about 10 people. it can be anything, a description, a secret, a confession or an address. you cannot, under any circumstances, say to whom the messages are addressed to.
1) come home and let's you and i eat pizza and watch movies together. hahaha.
2) i think you grew up too fast. no matter how much i try to inflict a little child-like sense in you, there's no wonder in anything you see. you need to meet james barrie. haha.
3) we've got about 12 months to go before our day of reckoning. i seriously, seriously think i'm not going to make it as of now. but hey, 12 months is a long time. let me look for a ride first. i can almost hear the wine glasses clinking.
4) i'm happy for you and everything you've done to maintain what you have. haha. thanks for our most recent talk. it helped me a lot. A LOT. we need to rekindle our almost-dead friendship. long neck and grandma? hehehe.
5) you seriously need to start reassessing what you want to do with your life. i'm so, so much younger than you but i feel like i've got more direction than you do. and that shouldn't be the case. oh, and stop prolonging the inevitable.
6) you could be the one.
7) i'm glad we've finally started to connect [even just a little bit] after so so long. i want to thank you for making an effort to do so and for trying your best to understand me. i want you to know that i'm doing the same thing.
8) *sings Please Don't Turn Me On*
9) sometimes i wonder what would've happened if you hadn't left at all. thanks for helping me at the peak of my "angsty youth." i hope you haven't changed a bit [cuz i have, a lot] and i hope we can talk soon.
10) sometimes you should just let go. like i said, we fight hard to hold on, we fight hard to let go. the difference is, when you hold on, you may never stop fighting. and i tell you, it's a losing battle. but if you find the strength and courage to just let go, peace and solace will follow. then you can start anew.
the adventure ended at 7:08 PM
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
tomb raiderokay. it's time for the Cambodia story i mentioned in the previous entry.
first of all, i loved Cambodia. it made me feel like Angelina Jolie. haha. well, not the big boobs and the pouty lips, the affinity for all things Cambodian. there's just something about the whole place that really makes you catch your elusive soul.
so we were walking around Angkor Thom when it began to rain like crazy. i mean cats and dogs and goats crazy. when it rains as hard as that, even the huge, 50-foot trees towering around like temple guardians won't provide enough shelter for you. and so, we went around in the rain like maniacs, looking for shelter until this Cambodian family running an open-air yet roofed tiangge shop somewhere close offered their closed shop. so there we were, listening to the angry rain on their plastic roof. it was kind of awkward since we couldn't talk all that much with them. we were just there, waiting for the rain to stop, glancing every now and then at the family, feeding their small baby. after a while, i decided to look around their small, dark shop. i decided to buy a few things. it was the least we could do. haha. after around 20-30 minutes, the rain still wouldn't let up and our car was nohwere to be found, and so, the family offered to let us use some of their umbrellas to get to our car. but in the moment, our car suddenly pulled over right in front of us. haha. what luck. but then again, i may be sentimental and cheesy, but i'm grateful for the kindness offered to us by that family. haha.
this was one of the kids of the Cambodian family, dancing in the rain.okay, so the next day, we were going around one of the other temples around the area when i decided i was exhausted and sat down. out of nowhere, as if a ghost, this little girl comes out and starts selling me some bracelets. she was quite persistent even though i told her i didn't want any bracelets. she was smart and could speak english well. after a few minutes of small talking with her [apparently, they're all taught how to ask "where are you from, sir?" to be able to relate with their customers better. marketing strategists, these kids], she opened up her little bag and produced a small piece of paper with a drawing of the cambodian flag on it, she handed it to me and told me i could have it for free. well, after that, i just had to buy her bracelets. i didn't have any money at the time so i told her that i'd look for my dad and then i'd come back for her. i promised her that i'd buy her bracelets. i guess she figured a lot of other tourists use that line to get little-girl-souvenir-sellers away from them. she walked away. haha. and so, after obtaining a dollar [yes, i didn't even have a dollar with me], i searched the temple for the little girl. the look on her face when i found her and bought her bracelets was priceless. haha. argh. umm. yeah. once again, i know it's nothing much, but it's these little things that get to you, you know?
the little girl
so there it is. two short chapters from the book of my adventures in Cambodia. a lot more happened, of course. more rain. elephants. shows. blessings and prayers from a Buddhist monk. lots. bottom line, did i find my soul during the trip? did i complete the change? well, i was able to do a LOT, and i mean A LOT of thinking during the trip [and just as much writing].
pages filled.so yes, i think i was able to see myself from another standpoint. a glimpse of my soul. it's like you're given ten thousand pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. and they're yours in the most random, messed up manner ever. you have no idea what you're trying to make. but then, you still try to piece it all together. suddenly, even though no form has taken, some divine intervention tells you what the big picture is. so now, you can't see it, but you know what it is. and you still hafta work on it. so now, i guess can see the big picture a lot more clearly. haha.
piece by piece baby.
the adventure ended at 8:54 PM
Saturday, June 03, 2006
i'm locked out of my hotel room so i decided to just blog. hehe.
mister saigonthis is taken from the little travel journal i always bring along with me [it took me like 2 hours to write this all]:
there's something about going around a foreign city alone that makes you get in touch with your soul. and i guess, in a way, that's been the point of this trip, this summer. today, i went around Saigon/Ho Chi Minh on my own. my dad went to the gym at our hotel so that gave me around 3 hours of undeniable freedom in saigon. and so, armed with a million dong [i never thought i'd be a millionaire by 18], a camera, and a sense of adventure, i set out and just went where my feet would take me..
i began walking around and found this corner where these street vendors were selling these exotic food items. bearing a strong stomach and an even stronger sense of curiosity, i sampled some of these food items. salty. sweet. sour. poop-inducing. that's all i can remember. haha. i trudged along the main road, hoping not to be run over by one of the three million [yes, literally] scooters running about.
i reached this big main market/tiangge with a lot of novelty items, clothes, jewelry, and food. now, going around this area, i noticed the people more than the goods for sale. the way they talked, related with one another, and generally the way they existed. haha. it's weird cuz the whole tiangge is nothing new to the eyes of a Filipino shopper. everything you see there can be purchased at greenhills, at quiapo, at divisoria, and elsewhere. and yet, i stll felt like i was treading in unchartered territory. i guess it's cuz i'm so used to the thingsd back home that everything loses color and i just see things in black and white. here in saigon, everything is a wonder to me, no matter how stupid and simple it may be. i never bought anything in the market. cuz like i said, i can get everything better and cheaper back home. if i'm buying anything, it has to be original and different.
as i went about my business, i could no longer keep my eyes from the men on every street who keep talking to me, asking me if i wanted to rent their scooters to go around the city. now i have no idea how to ride a scooter, [and i tell you, traffic there is crazy. they have no idea what road courtesy is.] but i thought to myself, what the hell. and so, around a few blocks i went on the scooter. after almost getting into an accident a few times and almost running over a few people, i decided to get off and try to disappear.
i found myself entering this bar called 74-A. it was a quaint little place. dark and rather empty. it had a TV up on the bar so i stuck around and had a beer. i didn't quite make friends with the bartender and it was mainly cuz of the language barrier. or maybe he just didn't like me. whatever it was, i saw from his body language that he didn't really want me to be in his bar so i gulped down my drink and headed out.
now if i only found the red light district, we'd be in business. haha. but unfortunately, i didn't.
so two and a half hours of adventuring later, i decided to head back to the hotel. tired yet fulfilled, here i am, writing all this down for my blog. i'm trying to think of an artsy ending for this journal entry but i can't. so whatever. [insert something emo/artsy here]
**
hahaha. i'll continue this again. i have a great story from here in Cambodia.
the adventure ended at 10:06 PM
