Saturday, October 21, 2006
two weekspeople don't realize the value of moments. how single, solitary moments change and mold the lives we live. how certain decisions, though small, can ultimately alter the fabric of our existence. i have made a lot of stupid decisions the past few days/weeks. some i'm not proud of, but none that i regret. they've all created a certain razzle-dazzle, shim-sham, hodge-podge chopsuey in my life. it's quick sand. when you realize that you're in a pickle, it's too late to struggle back out. all you need to do is stay still, and hope that things work out.
i'm going to the states for two weeks with my dad. besides visiting my friends and hanging out with my dad, consider this part 2 of my out-of-country soul search expedition. the last time was a mere 4 nights, now, it's 13. and at least 8000 miles farther. part of me really wants to go on this trip to escape the drudgery of life here and re-think/re-assess everything. i'm coming of age and it's time to really think about anything and everything. school, career, future, etc. but then, a part of me doesn't want to go at all. a part of me wants to sink in that quick sand and see what's on the other side. i wanna live through whatever happens here in the short span of immortality that sembreak gives. two different two-weeks but i can only live in one of them. ja-sigh.
some people say that two weeks is too short. but the world has changed in a shorter period of time. this is a big one, i can tell. just like the big feeling i got during the final days of 2005. i kept thinking, "is it just me, or is 2006 gonna be a rather big and eventful year?" true enough, it has been. far too much than i have ever imagined. TOO many things happened. so yeah. i can't blame myself for being rather worried about this one. i just hope things turn out okay.
oh well, at least i'm off to see the Knicks play! hahahaha. woohoo!
the adventure ended at 4:37 PM
Saturday, October 14, 2006
boys don't crywhenever love begins or ends, the first few weeks are often alike. for one, friends can't stand to be with you. if they hear another, "love my sweetie sugar babe!" or a "fuck my sad suicidal state," they can swear to kill you. another is that you always seem to be off the grid/hard to be with...
daboise night out:
"where's ***?"
"jamoves."
"ahhh."
"where's ***?"
"muling."
"ahhh."
one more thing is that you always seem to attract attention. whether it be PDA-ing in the mall, or breaking down and crying in the mall upon seeing an artifact/location of reminiscence, you'll always catch people looking at you. one last thing, and i swear is the most annoying one, is that songs suddenly obtain an uncontrollable, irreversible attachment to you. to a new couple, "i'll be" has just BECOME the first song the made out to. to a broken up couple, "i'll be" WAS the first song they made out to. put some Pantera on your iPod, why don't you?
cynicism never smelled so much like my own body odor. horrific, yet blossoming from my own person.
truth be told, cynicism [not to mention the hormonal outrage and insatiable thist for jamoves *wink*] for me is merely a defense mechanism to mask the fact that i'm sick and tired of being single and have been desiring for something more. the sayings "tough luck dude, don't worry, it'll come," and "it's alright, she's out there, it'll happen," and "tsong, bata ka pa, huwag madaliin," and all that crap sound the same to me. they all sound like Paris Hilton's songs. tremendously overplayed and absolutely horrible. [i have never listened through the entirety of any of her songs however digitally remastered her voice may be] if i hear them one more time, it'll send me off the ridge. try having to go through the process a dozen times and still never make it. [circa the previous Snakes and Ladders post]
chemically, i was told that love was nothing but reactions between pheromones and elements and brain impulses. philosophically, i was told that love doesn't exist at all; that it's all just a mere illusion to hide humankind's uselessness and powerlessness. romantically, i was told that love is an ugly, destructive thing that leaves you bleeding on the floor and is only practiced by fools. hmmm. love never had a chance to explain itself, did it? love's a pie. people who eat too much either get sick of it, or get fat. people who eat too little never get to say "Mmmmmm!" after every meal. and then... there're some people who'd give/do anything just to get a piece.
**
i've been on hiatus from ANY form of leisurely writing for the past month. somehow, it didn't seem as incomplete as i thought it would be. it made me think that maybe Writing is something i don't need to be doing for the rest of my life. professionally, anyway. if i can live without if for a month, it musn't be what i really want. because what i really want can't be missed. not for a month. not for a day. not for a minute. *wink*
the adventure ended at 7:33 PM
