Saturday, January 12, 2008
Season 20Let's see, now where were we?
The first week and a half of this new year hasn't gone too well. It's actually made me rethink a lot of things. Big things. Important things. People always tell me that whatever problem you've got, there will always be someone out there whose problems are a lot bigger than yours. Hence, you shouldn't sweat it. "Put yourself in their shoes." People also always tell me to never compare myself to other people as that leads to discontent, resentment and jealousy. People tell me to follow my heart, to not listen to whatever anyone else says. People also tell me to plan out this and that based on certain things based on a specified guideline. Sometimes, I know people have their points. I know that they all mean well, but it's hard to point out what exactly is wanted of me in this life. It gets really confusing. You try your very best to do all you can, thinking you're doing the right thing, and turns out, you're not. You end up not wanting to do anything that has to do with anything at all. It's an exercise in futility. I like to make people happy. I do. I really do. But at some point, I kind of missed the point and started becoming crazy selfish. Yes, I am a selfish person. I know that. I've come to realize that. I've spent so much of my time trying to please other people and I've expected the same from these people. These expectations have proved to become insatiable, making me more and more selfish, forgetting WHY it was I wanted to help people in the first place. I guess the road to hell IS paved with good intentions. I missed it. I just missed the point of it. But no more. This week and a half has told me that while people have done me wrong, while people have had their way with me, I shouldn't forget who I am. I shouldn't be pointing fingers. I should do what I can to change what I can. Some lessons, you learn too late. You try to fix it and it's too late. You can't fix it the way you want to fix it. We need to realize that THAT'S OKAY. Some things aren't meant to be fixed. Some things you live with. Some things you accept. You be happy for. You learn to love. Now, I can't ever relive my childhood and repair everything Batman and I did to each other or fail to do to each other, but I'm fine with it. My feelings will never change. The way things are fine. If we all learn to accept them, there's nothing that need be wrong with them.
**
This year's a big one, as I have initially thought out. Lots of things need to be done. I've decided to try and go it on my own after I graduate. I need time to grow on my own. And I really believe that if I stay here, i'll end up in a rut and won't ever be able to do all the things I want to do. I'm thinking of moving out and pursuing graduate studies abroad, in the US, hopefully, in Boston.
There's SO much to do about it. An internship for better credentials. A part-time job for even better credentials. There's the GRE's. The essays. The applications. The recommendation letters. The visa. The interviews. BLAH BLAH BLAH! It's all so overwhelming.
As I read back the 1st paragraph, it got me thinking if it's worth going through the 2nd paragraph. Or if I'll ever get through the 2nd paragraph and reach this one at all. My oh my. It's going to be one hell of a year.
**
On a note though, regarding that "putting yourself in someone else's shoes thing." Some people have it a lot harder. Some people are farther away from each other. Some people have no means of communicating. Some people weep at the sad thought that there is no possible way for them to be with the people they care about. Some people go through so much more and still believe in what they've got.
I've got that. And I'm lucky I'm not some people. But if I were, that wouldn't change a thing.
We're only going to get busier. We're going to have less time on our hands. But that doesn't mean that has to change anything. That's something I should realize.
Walk by faith and not by sight. And I am so grateful that I'm with someone so much stronger than I am, to keep me up. Thank you.
Si Will Turner nga eh, once every ten years niya lang nakikita si Elizabeth Swann diba? Hahaha.
**
I got this from some
Quiz site. Nothing doing. I'm just a sucker for these things.
Your view on yourself:You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Your views on education:Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.
How do you view success:You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.
What are you most afraid of:You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.
Who is your true self:You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.
the adventure ended at 8:12 PM
