Thursday, November 29, 2007
DiasporaWe're in a rut.
The other morning, one of my friends initiated a conversation about the future. She began to question the mystery of tomorrow. How we, as students, seem to have our own indiviudal chapters pre-written for us, years before publication. Would-be authors of future bestsellers, we garnish our stories with idealism, rainbows and stars, so sure that the books will end the way we want them to. The fact of the matter is, they don't. Strange is the book of life. No matter how hard you try to write it, it seems to end up writing you instead. That morning, during that rainy break from class, we talked about master's degrees and graduate schools and careers and universities and moving abroad. It was surreal to think that we were 19-20 year olds and we still didn't know much about life. What exactly is out there? What exactly should I do? It did seem like common ground, though, that the reality presented to us is far too small for our big dreams. We yearn for more. We are Jack, trading our cows of simplicity, cows of naivety, cows of identities for a little chance at "magic." The unknown. The wilderness. The point where the eye can no longer see. We all want to get there. We yearn to climb our beanstalks and face our giants, no matter how small we really are.
Then BOOM!
Trillanes and his boys start a ruckus.
There was simply too much mixed up emotion inside of me to warrant a concrete reaction. But basically, it seems that cow we're about to trade has gone amuck. Peeing on the side of the house, leaving crap everywhere, kicking you when you approach it, and basically being an ass of a cow. It's making it seems sooooo much easier to trade it away. Yes, the events of today made me reassess my thoughts on the direction this country is headed... and what I should do about it.
No matter what anybody says, there is still hope for the Philippines. This may be a wretched dump of a country, but hey, it's OUR wretched dump of a country and we'll be damned not to do a thing about it. We all complain how terrible this country is, how someone should do something about it. The problem is, those who have the power to deliberately choose not to. They trade their cows knowing that their magic beans will do them good. They all think, "Shit, no cow is worth this!"And in a sense, they are right. This cow does seem way too worthless to keep. but for some people though, this cow's all they know. And they'd rather stick it out and make the most of it since it's all they really have and since it's years before its prime. No matter what anybody says, there is still hope for the Philippines.
But is this hope enough to make one stay? Is there enough hope to spark the littlest form of nationalism in its citizens? Those who know better don't think so. But if they did know better, no offense, wouldn't they feed on that hope in the first place? Hayayay. Recent events have made me start to get annoyed with this country. The shim-sham traffic, the unbearable heat, the insane politics, the destructive pollution, the increasing poverty. It's kind of like sitting in a crowded room beside someone who is whistling WAY too loudly that it's annoying. What do you do? Do you tell that person to stop? Or do you sit somewhere else?
Personally, at this point in my life, I'm a confused Jack. I don't really know what to do with my cow. I don't really know what to think of those magic beans, so freely dangled in front of me. I'm worried of the repercussions of each decision I make. But at the same time, I'm thinking, should that really be my problem?
Selfish?
Maybe.
It's a lot to think about. And I'm thinking a lot. I'd better think quick though. That merchant's walking away and this cow's about to poop all over my shoe.
the adventure ended at 10:05 PM
