Thursday, February 08, 2007
PenanceTo err is human, to forgive, divine.
Alexander Pope must've had it easy.
There is an underlying irony between the exchange of apologies and forgiveness. To anyone who has experienced it, saying sorry is not that easy. Pride is a mean, ugly, furry thing that gets stuck in your throat and refuses to budge. Swallowing it is a task in itself. Especially when you know you're right. On the other hand, forgiving someone is not exactly peaches and cream either. It's sheathing your sword when your victim deserves to die. Forgiving someone takes a lot of tolerance and courage. Especially when you know you're right.
There are two kinds of people who say sorry. One of them is the kind that says sorry just so the other person would feel better. The feelings of the offended are of utmost importance. The other is the kind that says sorry because he/she is, in fact, really sorry for what he or she has done. It transcends the feeling of the offended (though still includes it). It's a personal, outright feeling of crappiness because of the offense which he/she has committed which has caused the ill nature of the offended. So when we say sorry, do we just say it to make the person feel better and not get upset at us? Or are we really sorry for what we’ve done? If you're the first kind, then you're really not getting the point. Sorry isn’t just a magical word to make the person feel better, you have to really mean it. You have to really feel sorry. Because if you don't, then don't say it. Just say something like, “Please feel better.”
As for forgiveness, let's just say that I, well at least in my own life, am finding it a lot harder to do than saying sorry. So I'm just going to quote a guy name Howard Martin:
In the long run, it's not a question of whether they deserve to be forgiven. You're not forgiving them for their sake. You're doing it for yourself. For your own health and well-being, forgiveness is simply the most energy-efficient option. It frees you from the incredibly toxic, debilitating drain of holding a grudge. Don't let these people live rent free in your head. If they hurt you before, why let them keep doing it year after year in your mind? It's not worth it but it takes heart effort to stop it. You can muster that heart power to forgive them as a way of looking out for yourself. It's one thing you can be totally selfish about.
Take it slowly. The deepest resentments are wrapped up in a lot of hurt and pain. We think we're protecting ourselves by not forgiving. Acknowledge that and go easy on yourself. Forgiveness means that you've decided not to let it keep festering inside even if it only comes up once in awhile. Forgiveness is a powerful yet challenging tool that will support and honor you, even in the most extreme circumstances.
As much as I'd like to disagree, the man’s right. Whenever you hold a grudge against someone, you're sort of linked to that person involuntarily. It's like this heavy tail that keeps following you around that holds you down every so often. The only way to chop that tail off is to forgive that person. It's a hard thing to do. Your enemy's on his knees, tied up and defenseless and you're given a broadsword. You look into that person's eyes. This person has caused you immeasurable amounts of suffering. You grip the sword tight. To add to this, your enemy is continually mocking you and giving you all the more reason to destroy him. Now, how hard is it, really, not to chop his head off? But as it should be, I'm dropping the sword.
the adventure ended at 6:58 PM
