Wednesday, August 30, 2006
watching trains go byi'm a servant of time. every time i hop in the car, i look at the time and immediately calculate the ETA to my destination. often times, i overshoot my ETA so i won't have to feel bad of never reaching it in time. this doesn't only happen with car trips. it happens when i'm studying, taking an exam, watching a movie, even when i'm on a date [we'll be sitting down, with me about to tell her a classic Joey Tribiani it's-not-you-it's-me line, all the while thinking, "okay. by 11:15PM, she'll be thinking of me as the worst idiot in the world. give or take 10-15 minutes, depending on how much i stutter and ask to go to the bathroom. hmm. i wonder what time i'll get home.. about 11:45 i guess. give or take 10-15 minutes depending one the......" {yeah, that's what i really think when i space out}] one other thing i always seem to be doing is making correlative references to the past and inferences of the future with exactly the same time interval from the present. it's like i'm always midway of a certain goal or process. i'd be like, "five years ago, i was only starting highschool. in five more years, i'll be working my ass off for a measly amount of pay. and that five years isn't such a long time. six years ago, i was only beginning to interact with girls, being all awkward and unaware. in six more years, i'll probably be with the one girl i'll end up with. and that six years isn't such a long time." i guess it has something to do with me not wanting to waste my time, wanting to live to the fullest and all that silly baloney.
sigh. such obedience for father time and he hasn't done a single thing to reciprocate anything i've done. beautiful moments are fleeting. painful ones resound. and i always keep to mind for some reason that one way or the other, i'm losing this game. playing hide and seek with time isn't much fun, especially when you're it. you spend so much TIME seeking TIME that when you've finally found TIME hiding behind the window curtains, you'll realize you've already wasted enough of it that finding it didn't really make much difference anyway. and time's such a good frickin' hider, it's annoying.
in a world moving too damn fast for anyone to keep their balance, time's a scarce commodity. when we run out of it in the end, we wanna know we spent it the best way we could have. ahem ahem ahem. coughtakechanceandwastesometimecough.
the adventure ended at 7:21 PM
