Saturday, August 05, 2006
the crush theorypeople don't realize it but there's really nothing quite as perfect as a crush whom you know a little about if not nothing at all. so many things go wrong in this world but here's one thing you know that, as long as you nor 'fate' never act on it, never will. that person will always just be there for you to appreciate from a distance. nothing else. sure, you'd like to get to know that person better, but the way you see that person, that gleaming light of infatuation that blinds you from all that person's imperfections that seems so obliviously blissful will suddenly just disappear and turn into harsh reality once you get to know that person. i know it's impractical in so many ways, and would seem just utterly cowardly and/or pathetic and/or stupid, but think about it, the feeling you get when you see that crush of yours.. it's mile-long smiles, it's butterflies and dragonflies, it's jumping up and down, it's starry-eyedness, it's listening to feel good songs like Brighter Than Sunshine, Spit On A Stranger, and Accidentally In Love. basically, it's wonderfully ineffable. and so few things are left in our lives that are like that since our insatiable hunger for truth and reason behind everything will never cease. it's great having crushes. but to me, that's all they're meant to be. a crush is a crush.
so sickno, it's not the song. i really am sick right now. it sucks that i just HAD to get sick on the day of the long-awaited Accounting long exam. how did i fair? well, just about as good as i had expected. no, i'm not going to get a grade that's good, but i will get a grade that's good
enough. and after all the delays, fits of anxiety and rage, that just feels like heaven. i almost got pneumonia during the exam because i had forgotten to bring a jacket and i swear they made us take the test somewhere in the northen hemisphere. it was cold beyond reason. i found myself involuntarily shivering. i was delirious by the time there were only about 7 minutes left in the test. i had two more long problems to balance and about three more short problems to finish up. amidst the work that still needed to be done, i found myself suddenly narrating in my mind what was happening in my life at the moment! as if a first persona character in a book, i lost all sanity by thinking of nice words to describe my situation. it went a little like...
"...it's like the final minutes you spend on your deathbed. you're there, patiently waiting for the grim reaper's touch. it's strange that even in your last, pathetic moments in life you find yourself wishing for a mirafcle drug, a cure, something that'll grant you just another day in this world. but soon, you know in the back of your mind, you'll have to die...
ahhh. the final minutes of an accounting exam. i have not balanced two long problems and have not done several short problems. people have begun to leave. there's a shiver spreading throughout my body. is it fear? is it the feeling of failure? no, i think it's because i'm taking the test in a freezer of a room.
sigh. anyway. i think it's time for me to accept it. this disease has lingered far too long. it's time to die..."
clearly, i was insane from the just-passed two hours and 53 minutes of debits and credits and accounts payable and balance sheets and.... blah. or maybe it was from the impending pneumonia. hahaha.
anyway, back to being sick. i hate it. your sleeping pattern becomes erratic, you can't breathe, you finish entire rolls of tissue in half a day, and you get so tired so easily. i personally blame this on the unpredictable mood-swings of Philippine weather. grrrr. sigh. what can i do? man has struggled to find the slightest evidences for miracle cures for HIV, cancer and the like, and yet we still haven't got a thing for the common cold. i hope i get well soon.
the adventure ended at 7:41 PM
