Saturday, May 06, 2006
kalayaanthe more fear one has, the more courage one can amassin our youth, freedom is a concept we think we understand. it is something we constantly yearn for, hence the coined terms "teenage angst" and "youth rebellion". actually, we have no idea what freedom really is. truth be told, if we knew what freedom is, we'd be afraid of it. absolutely afraid. and in some level, though we try not to show it, we are afraid. we have a small snippet of what this bewildering idea is through our everyday environment. and yet, the vast unknown is still frightening, so we take unconscious precautions just to keep ourselves sheltered in our own little cages. we cry and cry and cry until someone comes and
constricts us in thick blankets and rocks us to slumber. we call out and call out until somebody enters our room at night and
constricts us under our seemingly protective sheets [a process which we also call the art of "tucking in"] somebody's always there to "constrict" us from movement. that which we think is holding us back from a world of adventure is actually protecting us from it. we need to learn how to swim before we jump overboard. thus, we will always be a little dependent.
lately, the idea of freedom has become a little brighter than it has before. and all it did to me is make me even more afraid. yes. i'm scared to take risks. i'm scared to plunge into what seems to be oblivion. i want somebody to tuck me in and tell me that i'll be alright once i jump in. courage is my insatiable thirst. no matter how much i drink, i always seem to need some more. i must have a hole in my esophagus or something.
a many splendored thingthere's nothing more eye-roll-combined-with-sigh-of-either-pity-or-disgust inducing than reading about somebody else's failed love escapades. not too many people are interested to read emotional outpours of the same damn situations unless they include a lot of phrases like "fuck you, you fucking loser, go to fucking hell and fuck everyone there you fucking slutty fucker." [see, i got you reading!]. come on, you actually enjoy reading...
"blah blah blah i'm heart-broken. blah blah blah the heart still beats. blah blah blah i wish things would just go back to the way they were. blah blah blah i love her too much but i have to let her go. blah blah blah"???
this is why, for quite a while now, i've
tried to avoid emo love stories [or at least keep them to a minimum] because i know how much of a pain it is to read[i can't believe i used to write like that ALL the time]. so forgive me for this slight spill but i just feel that there's a little need to do so, just to keep things fresh. i'll try to do it quickly.
idle summer days are reminding me of how much it sucks being single. i guess it gets kinda lonely especially when you're alone at home, being pathetic, reading friendster profiles, checking out blogs and multiply's. i'm suffering from the summer itch. this little bug bites me every summer. [okay, i promise the next line's as emo as i'll get. and it's the last line too] i guess i need somebody.
Labels: Special
the adventure ended at 6:30 PM
