Friday, March 24, 2006
technically, this is my 101st blog entry. so happy 101st blog entry anniversary to me, if there's ever such a thing. hehe.
what's it all about?a while ago was my sister's graduation. i am now, officially, the only abastillas child who has not yet graduated. she graduated an Honorable Mention. props to her! it's an achievement i can only hope to garner myself. but being the lazy-ass bum i am, hope is the closest thing to the award i'll ever get. anyway, the entire ceremony got me thinking about my future plans in life,
or lackthereof.
i'm terrified of graduating. suddenly, i feel over-sheltered, dependent, and afraid. it's like once i graduate, i'm suddenly going to be pushed off the eagle's nest and be expected to fly. but i have no idea what to do. when the time comes that i write my resume, i haven't a clue what the hell i'm gonna put in it. i feel so raw. i guess being adventurous and spontaneous and easy-going has major draw-backs in the long run.
the thing is, i keep on imagining these plausible scenarios for myself. i rarely think of the future. you see, i'm more of a cross-the-bridge-when-we-get-there kind of guy, but ever so often, the future does come knocking on my door and it
does expect an answer from me.
scenario # 1Mr. Anakin Skywalker
after a few years of working corporate for experience, i imagine getting a masters' degree somewhere [wherever] and then joining the family business. or even put up a business of my own. or go back to a corporate job. this path is very clearly paved, but it's really not the one i want. it's REALLY NOT the one i want. but then, sadly, as the dreams we have that we must store in our drawers, this is the path i might take anyway. sadly. i really don't want to.
scenario # 2Mr. Luke Skywalker
i take the same basic path as scenario # 1. except instead of joining the family business, i enter advertising. join the creative department. work crappy long hours beating deadlines and squeezing out my own creative juices to the last drops. i'd rather this much more than the 1st one.
scenario # 3Mr. Fartsy
i graduate and get a job in journalism. i write and i write and i write. i use up every drop of ink from my pen and every molecule of lead from my pencil and hope that it's enough to put food on the table. maybe end up writing a novel. or a children's book. on the side, i take fartsy pictures and sell them to ad agencies or ambitiously put up my own galleries. why stop there? i'll paint stuff and sell those too! haha. and what the hell, i'm never one to quit while i'm ahead. i'll call greg up and form a band! make music with burning passion, not burning peso signs. haha. what a dream.
**
when you really think about it, my plans stink. haha. it's like the bridge i'm to cross when i finally get there is a bridge without an end. it just goes on and on and on. there is no other side. and that's what makes me afraid. false pursuits that'll lead me to nowhere.
girlsi am suddenly reduced to the shallow perspective of six-year olds who believe that girls are the main source of
cooties [which, by the way, aren't even
uso in the Philippines]. what's the deal with girls? why must us guys be overly intense about them all the time? Calvin [from calvin and hobbes, of course] once said, "Girls are like slugs - they probably serve some purpose, but it's hard to imagine what." at a certain level, i concur with my wise master and mentor. i know how it feels like to have cooties. hahahaha.
haaaay. in any case, girls are living proof that all guys are masochistic. we just can't get enough of that which brings us so much pain, discomfort, annoyance, and ball-busting intensity! i guess love is really just a passionate form of masochism. it's the kind of pain that makes you sigh and smile rather than pout and cry. after all, unless something makes you bleed, it isn't real.
shiyet. mga babae talaga o!
Labels: Special
the adventure ended at 11:03 PM
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
summer re-runsand so. just like that. i am now a sophomore. it's weird to think that graduation was 366 days ago when i remember the moments right after the ceremony like they had just happened yesterday. scrambling with old friends, taking final pictures and wishing each other all the best. i can still feel the cold, chilly air from the air-conditioned dome. and i remember that no matter how cold it was in the gym, i found myself sweating profusely. sweating out 12 years of hard work, perseverance, and unforgettable experiences.
i remember telling everyone that i wasn't worried about March 20th. i was worried about March 21st. the day it sinks in. the day that the final realizations of leaving a home/shelter/refuge come. the day when you can finally go to school, look the principal in the face and say "%&*^ you!" without any academic consequence. the day your permanent record is stored and is never looked upon again. it was a sad day. i felt a lot more sad and teary-eyed that day rather than graduation itself.
and now, a year has passed. i'm fifteen pounds heavier. i'm old enough to watch Co-Ed Scandal, among other R-18 flicks. i've been through hell and back through its most dreadful form yet.. calculus [note, i frickin failed the finals. hello D!]. i've forged new friendships and reestablished old ones. basically, like everyone else, i've grown.
it's funny and scary to think that 3 years ago, i had just finished 2nd year highschool and was going to join Repertory for the very first time. and 3 years from now, i'll be the next candidate to enter the real world, fresh out of college. whew. i hope it doesn't breeze by THAT fast.
**
i've run out of words. blah blah blah.
i make a wish but then she says she doesn't believe in shooting stars.
-- Too Much To Believe, Spring-Time Flowers
the adventure ended at 8:56 PM
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
birthday bluesfirst and foremost, i'd like to thank everybody who attended my birthday dinner, as well as everybody who intended to attend. i know your reasons for not being there were legitimate [ahem ahem]. but i don't want to thank the person who stole P2000 from my wallet.
i just can't believe i was screwed over on my
birthday.
in my own
abode.
and by my own
friend.
only the guys had access to my room, but there sure were a lot of them. they used it as a storage room, and as a chill-out room for when the party started dying down. the next morning, checking my wallet, voila!!! minus P2000. i won't point fingers and i can't get mad, cuz come on, as if that's going to do anything. anyway, i just hope that money goes to good use. it'd be a good consolation if that person would spend the money on something constructive.
imagine how many KFC chicken steaks i could've eaten with P2000.
mmmm...... KFC chicken steak......
emo probsgambling focus group:
"hi. i'm jose ricardo abastillas."
"HI JOSE!"
"i'm 18 years old. i admit it. i have a gambling problem. but lately, i've been trying my very best to stop gambling. it's cuz i've lost far too much already. but it's hard, you know? the tables are right in front of me, and all i have to do is place my hand down and make a bet, but i won't. like i said, i've lost too much already. i can't afford to lose any more. and besides, i don't think i've anything to offer anymore anyway. me gambling will just make things worse. but you know what i've come to realize? i can't help it, you know?? it's right there! i hope i find enough strength in me to take a chance and hopefully, win big. against all odds. i'm trying."
**
God, walk with me...
the adventure ended at 7:30 PM
Saturday, March 11, 2006
these dayswhy is it when you turn 18, people always include in their greetings the phrase, "legal ka na!"? hahaha. it's amusing, really. it's like that's the first thing that people notice with regards to the age 18. anyway, i'm 18 today. and somehow, like every birthday, though nothing's really changed, i feel somewhat different. i guess it's psychological, but still, it's a weird, awkward feeling that actually feels sorta nice. so hard to explain. haha.
ever wonder why things always happen when you're 18? media has always shown us that when you're 18, you start falling in love, you go out saving the world, you jump off the cliff towards independence, and you even get into porn movies. if life is a reflection of what media portrays, i'm looking forward to a big year for me! but then, it hardly is, so, i'm just glad to be alive another year. hehehe.
i'd like to thank everybody who's loved and supported me through my 18 years of existence. you've all helped in molding me to the person i am now. thank you. i only hope that i'm as big a part in your lives as you are in mine. =)
a year ago, [if you can check my archives], i wrote how i wondered how things would be different after another 365 days. looking back at those 365 days since my last birthday, so much has changed that it makes me wonder what another 365 will bring. it's scary and at the same time excting. i can't wait.
as last year, it still remains: paradise is a birthday.
the adventure ended at 12:35 PM
Monday, March 06, 2006
Darwin's theorypeople change. that's the way things are. from primitive, simian creatures, we have transformed into rational,
pogi't magagandang beings. change is one of the few things that will never change. there is consistency in the inconsistent. it's a paradox that gives definition to so many things. a paradox that i, as a proud human being, will adhere to.
i need a little change.
kahit kaunti lang. it may not be easy, but i can tell that i can do it. i mean hey, i'm actually quitting iced tea. i actually did some homework on a friday night. i actually went home earlier than i usually do after a night out. that's got to be a start. however small.
for true..?
the adventure ended at 5:21 PM
Thursday, March 02, 2006
alternativityokay. it has come to my attention that lately, to be a rockstar, you have to sing like you're constipated. but hey, it really DOES sound good when you sing like you've got a gallon of phlegm in your throat. so here are...
The Top 3 Constipated Vocalists3) Yael Yuzon of Spongecola - here's a guy with powerful lungs who sings like he's blowing up a hotair balloon.
Kailangan lang pagbigyan, kulang lang sa PANSI-HIIIIIN!2) Scott Stapp of Creed - here's a mainstay who actually had voice problems due to the raspy nature of his voice, coupled by drug abuse. no other words can express how i feel bout this dude except "sayang."
To what do I owe this gift my friend? MAH LAF, MAH LUV, MAH SOWL!finally, the one that beat them all: the up and coming...
1)
Raf of The Speaks - what can i say about this guy? it's like he's singing while unloading a huge, footlong-sized chunk of crap that's been stuck in his intestines for a week. disgusting comparisons aside, he does it really well.
Hold your head up haaa-ahhh-yiii-yah. YEAH-EH-YEAH-EY!birthdayin a week and a half, i'll finally be able to watch Brokeback Mountain [why the hell did i mention this of all movies?] on the big screen without any fuss from the ticket-seller, or having to dress older [wearing a plain, collared shirt tucked inside beige slacks with brown shoes. a part of me thinks that instead of looking older, i only succeed in looking dorkier]. i don't know if i have any birthday resolutions, or if i even WANT to have any. hehe. what i want are many presents! yes, i'm a greedy, little miser-prick who wants nothing more than to swim in presents. so go all out this year, okay?
i kid. i kid.
jokes are half meant.
ahem.
uhm.
yeah...
*Material Wishlist*unattainables:1) A nice SLR camera
2) A Nokia N70/Nokia 6270/Nokia 7380
3) A new MP3 player. Something with more than 5 frickin' GB of memory, whose battery lasts more than 2 frickin' hours, and doesn't get destroyed every 2 frickin' months [i'm bashing my MP3 player, fyi]
4) The entire series of Friends on DVD
5) The Calvin and Hobbes complete collection [yes, i saw it in Fully Booked]
6) A plane ticket to the Vatican [yes. by myself. i have something to ask the Pope.]
attainables:1) A new pendant with the image of Jesus on one side and Mary on the other [mine may have sentimental value, but it's falling apart]
2) The new album [or at least the new songs] of the OPM band Silent Sanctuary
3) Someone to at least have my MP3 player fixed with the assurance that it won't get busted again after two months
4) A DVD of The Goo Goo Dolls Live In Buffalo, New York
5) Ralph Lauren Romance Silver
6) Nice/Fine clothes for special occasions [porma/gimik clothes]
7) Painting lessons
8) Cranium Expansion pack
i'm really just posting this for the sake that my family reads it. hehehehe. truly a miser-prick am i.
*Real Wishlist*And you ask me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
Cuz I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
And desire and love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days...
-- Better Days, Goo Goo Dolls
[ulul....]
the adventure ended at 5:05 PM
