Tuesday, January 24, 2006
sum of all worries and product of all efforts
"impending doom" written on the gray skies [what's that gray thing on the ground?]
album cover pose -> "The DD's (Differentation and Derivatives): Greatest Hits"thirty minutes before our midterm exams, my blockmates and i decided to walk to the Church of Gesu for spiritual guidance. and on our way there, it seemed as if mother nature herself was out to get us. gloomy rainclouds that had "death" written all over them were overcast above us. i had never been more nervous for a test in school my entire life. not the UPCAT, not the ACET, not anything else. there was something about this test that made me think it was a matter of life and death. the x-factor of what'll become of me. like everything in nature and existence hung in the balance.
hyperboles aside, i did really poorly in the exam.
yup. i'd be lucky to get a D on it. but hey, as long as i pass, i'll be satisfied. right now, the competitive, be-the-best Abastillas blood that has long run in my veins is beginning to drain out. in a game of survival of the fittest, being fit to survive is all that matters right now. being rambo/commando and killing off my mathematical foes with dual M-6 machine guns screaming "EAT THIS, DERIVATIVE OF X SQUARED PLUS Y CUBED OVER THREE XY TO THE THIRD POWER!! RATATATATATATATAT!!! RAAGGHH!!!" is no longer my mentality.
there are more important things to worry about.
the empire strikes backmy dad and my sister are having problems. one of the reasons why i don't have plans of joining the family business is because no matter how professional each of us can be about certain aspects of business, there will always be a personal punch somewhere in the business skirmish when you're all related. it's hard to express yourself at the dinner table when all you hear is business talk. it's even harder when all you hear is no talk at all because of issues between family members cconsequently regarding the only topic they ever talk about.. business. yes, one of the poisons of having a family business is slowly creeping through the immune system of this family. i'm worried the time will come when breaths are so short and our skins will be so pale from the venom of clashing personalities.
my sister's thinking of leaving the empire and joining the liberation force.. in Star Wars terms. a renegade sith whose out looking for numero uno. which, in normal terms means her moving back to singapore and getting a stable source of income there. there and not here. i told her to think about what she was doing, that "sayang lang lahat ng pinaghirapan at pinagdaanan niya hanggang sa sandaling ito." she told me that she wishes dad had the same sentiment whenever he would go off and make his own decisions, not listen to others' deliberation, and destroy the weapons that he himself taught us to wield...
[yes, he bashes us sometimes witht he same things he's proud of. one day it's "o, hetong anak ko, graduate yan ng AIM!", then the next it's, "just because you graduated from AIM doesn't give you the right to say anything. don't bite the hand of the person feeding you!". he teaches us to answer to no one, but wants us to concur with his every whim]
then i told her that i wished there was just someone greater than him who could finally tell him off. someone whom he listens to. then she tells me, "you. he listens to you." "no, he doens't!" "yes, he does." bah. i'm seventeen. the guy's never been one to listen to anyone he thinks isn't as good as or is better than him. but we'll see. i love the guy, but all this drama's gotta stop.
oh well. i hope it all turns out for the best. but the bottomline is, rest assured, i'm sticking to writing, thank you very much. hahahaha.
the adventure ended at 10:09 PM
