Wednesday, December 21, 2005
school and lack of content has prevented me from writing an entry sooner. now, i've got two weeks of immortality once again [yes, i officially refer to vacations as 'periods of immortality'], but still no interesting content to write about.
getting to know yousometimes, the people you count on knowing every little thing about you tend to lose sight of the big picture. you think you know someone, but you really don't. and the worst part is, you still think you do. people assume too much. time spent and experiences shared does not completely justify and confirm one's knowledge [or should i say assumptions] on someone else's identity. it pisses me off when people think they know me. it pisses me off even more if they're the people who REALLY SHOULD know me.
"you're so lazy."i'm selectively passionate. give me something i really wanna do and i'll do it until i get hurt, until i die.
"you're so secretive."they're only secrets because you're interested in them. if you weren't, they'd just be called 'my thoughts.'
"you're so superficial."i'm idealistic. [yeah. this is bad. i should stop this.]
"but no one's perfect, you know."yes. but there's someone out there who's perfect for
somebody else. there's a difference.
"you're so messy and unorganized."i'm spontaneous and i take things as they come.
"you don't understand. bata ka pa."you don't understand either.
matanda ka na."why don't you want to succeed in life?"success is so subjective. i don't even know where to begin to explain this. and besides, building castles in this life will prevent one from entering the kingdom in the next.
anyway. only recently have i come to fully realize that there really is NO pleasing everybody. there WILL be someone who'll think you stink more than a field of horse shit. but i guess there's comfort in knowing that to some people, horse shit smells heavenly.
**
when you're with someone everyday, you see how he/she talks and acts, how much soy sauce he/she likes on his/her viands, and what little things he/she can do just to get on your last nerves. face it. at one point or another, being with the same people 24/7 will get rather annoying if not completely enraging. love and compromise are what keep things at bay. if these two factors aren't in the picture, some of us would just reach for the door and get out.
it's tough when you're a black sheep in a family of wolves. sooner or later, you'll relaize they're just fattening you to eat you up. yeah, that's what i'm feeling right now. being eaten up. and when the moon is full and the pack's on top of the hill, a cold tone will be felt all over the forest as each of them howl majestically, affiriming their rule over all the land. and suddenly, the chilly, creepy mood is broken... "BAAAAAAAH!" bah, bah, blacksheep.
i can't stress enough how distanced i feel towards my family. i try my very best to relate with them and i try my very best to fit in, but in the end, i just don't seem to. i would have to shave my own wool and learn how to howl like the rest of them. the toehr day, my two sisters entered a looong conversation on the way home from a family reunion. an emo talk, if you will. and my, my, it's rather different from all the emo talks i've ever experienced. and it's weird cuz all the other emo talks i've ever had were essentially the same. even though the people were all different and the topics varied, the same dark cloud always seemed to be present above us. always looming, and pouring out the same cold drops of rain that somehow brought comfort and relief through the piercing frigid feeling. but this time, it was just weird. like the raincloud had changed into some sort of weird looking space-ship like object in the sky which will just leave you dumb-founded, jaw-dropped and saying... "what the fuck is that?" di talaga ako maka-relate. even if i tried. so i just tucked myself on the seatbelt and pretended to sleep.
it's weird that i'm feeling this right before Christmas. are the relations i have with my family merely skin-deep? maybe my skin is just too wrinkly and too damn thick for their needles of business, success, and O.C.-ness to penetrate.
the adventure ended at 7:53 PM
