Tuesday, November 29, 2005
telescope[fiction. inspired by a weird conversation i had with Andre Calixto on one of our sabog nights on the roof]
If you put a mirror in space, say, a lightyear or so away from the Earth, then look at the mirror (which consequently reflects an image of the Earth) through a very powerful telescope, you'd see into the past. You'd see everything you were doing a few years back. You'd see all the mistakes you did, all the events that have become regrets, and all obstacles that have led to the present. If that were possible, I'd be first in line to take a peek into the Telescope To The Past. If that were possible, I'd put the mirror in space and develop the telescope myself. Just to see you and I. The way things used to be.
A scientist once thought up of a theory. He said, 'Given enough time, and provided external forces are continuously acting upon it, any body of matter will always return to its original source. For example, if you go to a field, pick up a rock and throw it, sooner or later, the rock WILL come back to where you're standing. It may take millions of years, and the rock may be reduced to a simpler state, but as long as external forces are acting on it, there will come a time that it will pass its origin.'
I know you may be miles away, but rest assured, though it may take a million years, YOU will find yourself back with me. You're my source and I'm yours.
[emo to the millionth power. you're aces, science boy.]
Christmasmy family decided to do Kris Kringle this year, upon my request. that means just one gift for everyone. tipid. and, uhh,
meaningful. actually can't wait till this year's christmas. dozens of relatives from all over the globe are coming over and we're all going to live under one roof. our roof. i think's it's kinda gonna be like Hey Arnold!'s boarding house. exciting, really.
there's this certain feeling that can only be felt during christmas. that's why i don't really feel the spirit until the morning of the 25th. it's not the rpesents, it's not the fact that everyone forgets their hatred towards each other, it's not all the fake smiles and phony friendships that last a day, it's not ALL about religion. then what the hell is it about? i guess there's no easy way to explain it. no trip abroad can ever compare to waking up in your own bed christmas morning, with a carol in your head and a smile on your face. you look out and see that the milk and cookies you left out are collecting ants and cockroaches. [santa never paid me a visit. except one time he gave me an NBA Live '97 cartridge for my Sega. it came with a letter written in my mom's handwriting. maybe santa and my mom learned penmasnhip in the same school?] anyway, what was my point? oh yeah, the fuzzy feeling. it feels like eating chocolate while having your biggest crush kiss your cheek while petting a cute puppy while getting high grades on your supposed failed subject while waking up realizing there aren't any classes and you can sleep all day while having pizza delivered while slow dancing with the one you love while singing out-of-tune videoke with your eccentric family.
yeah, it sort of resembles those feelings.
but.. a 'bah humbug' for now. hehe.
the adventure ended at 9:13 PM
Sunday, November 27, 2005
social awarenessako si inbisibol man...... at di nila ako kita. araw-araw ako'y sumisigaw, rumarampa, nagwawala't naghuhubad sa harap ng isang awdyens na patuloy lamang sa kanilang mga karagdagang gawain. mga mukhang istatwa; mga bibig na sumasabay sa mga kantang hindi ko naririnig at hindi ko alam kung marinig ko man; mga taong kinakausap ang kanilang selfon na parang ito'y nakapaghahatid ng bagong dimensyon kung saan ang isang tulad ko'y hindi nabubuhay; mga matang titingin nang sandali pagkatapos babalik sa ilaw na nakapagpapatunay ng kanilang kinabukasan at kinaroroonan (
pula. dilaw. berde.): ang mga ito ang awdyens ko. walang kuwentang awdyens na di man lang hihingi ng
encore sa aking palabas na pinaghanda ko buong buhay ko. mula nung ako'y inbisibol boy, nahasa na ang aking iskils sa iba't ibang paraan upang makapagpakita ng mas epektibong perpormans sa aking
minamahal na awdyens. ngunit, kahit ano man ang gawin ko, ako'y inbisibol pa rin. ako ang tsuperhiro na hindi na nga tsuper, nangangailangan pa ng sariling hiro.
marami atang tao ngayon ah. baka may seyl sa plasa. buti na lang, dito ako pumupuwesto kahit todo tutol ang mga taong naka bughaw. minsan nga, sa konting tubo ko sa mga taong may dalang eksreyglases, kinukuha pa nila, para bumili ng yosi't kendi. ang mga taong-bughaw, kailangan, iwasan. sila and tsuperbileyn ng isang tsuperhiro na hindi naman tsuper at nangangailangan ng sariling hiro.
haaay. marami ngang tao, inbisibol pa rin ako. kahit napakabagal ng andar ng mga tao, at kahit magsalsal na ako sa harap nila, ako'y parang hangin lamang na hinihinga nila.. ngunit mas mabaho. lakad lakad. tingin tingin. katok katok. piso piso. tenkyu tenkyu. pansin ko lang, pa-onti nang pa-onti ang mayeksreyglases ngayon. siguro nagmahal na.
sa gitna ng lahat, ako'y nagpasiya gumawa ng granpinali. sa gitna ng lahat, sa araw na iyon, ako'y naghubad, sumayaw at kumanta. kahit hindi ako magaling kumanta, baka marinig pa rin nila ako. sabi ni inbisibol girl, pag hubad ka raw, magkakaeksreyglases ang mga tao. otomatik daw yun. pero, ba't kung ako? wala pa ring nakakakita? eto na nga ako o, nasa gitna ng daan, parehong kamay nakalabas, nagbubuhat ng napakabigat na mga piso sa bawat palad. haaaay. ayoko na nito. di talaga sisikat ang aking palabas nito. sana, normal na tao na lang ako. taong walang tsuperpawurs. buti pa sila,
nagkakakitaan....ako si inbisibol ma. nabangga sa interseksyon. nabagok ang ulo. duguan sa gitna ng kalye. eto ang wakas ng aking granpinali. at napakita ko na rin sila.
the adventure ended at 8:47 PM
Monday, November 21, 2005
passionates and fashionatesbeing the only son [not to mention, the youngest] in a family of over-achievers is tough. first of all, it's tough to cope. when everyone's excelling and is already far beyond all you've accomplished, you're expected to do the same, if not more. in my family, you always have to be productive. you always have to be doing something. you always have to have something going for you. i was just imagining, if/when i get a girlfriend, she will be bashed, criticized, interrogated, and worst of all, be compared to EACH of my sisters. that's tough. [it's tougher for me cuz my sisters' boyfriends don't have bases for comparison cuz i don't have a brother] she will be tried and tested if she fits in the circle, in the plan. she will be examined thoroughly to see if she's
good enough. now, all that doesn't seem right, right? whatever happened to good ol' emotions, chemistry, attraction, the bonds, heck, love? well, they say throw all that in too. hahaha. good luck.
wait, where was i? oh yeah, coping.
now, being the only name bearer in the name, it'll be my job to continue the legacy. to be the best. always to be the best [at least that's always what i'm told]. to uphold the name with pride, prestige and honor. but i ask, what's in a name? what if the life presented to me is not the life i wish to live? my parents keep telling me that i'm free to choose, that i can do whatever i want [as long as i'm the best at it. {why do you have to be the best? i just wanna enjoy what i'm doing. being the best doesn't always mean enjoying yourself}], but the truth is, it's pressure-o-mania. i'm being groomed to sit at the thrown. the next emperor of a supposed great dynasty. i'm strong enough to think otherwise for now. to be sturdy with my philosophies. but soon enough, with enough prodding, i'm going to lose everything i aspire for. all the things i believe in. the biggest picture. i'll be brainwashed. and i'll be stuck trying to make money, making the company big and wasting my life with worldy affairs. that's not the life i want. the reason why i "waste" my time on writing, on playing video games [i will play FF8 until i die], on daydreaming, on sleeping, on seemingly meaningless things, is because it's the only way i can express myself in the way i want to. these are the only outlets i have to escape this world. every night, i go to bed wishing that i wake up somewhere else. this world bores me so much. sure, i love my family and friends but i have to get away if i want to be truly happy. i know what i've got and what i've got is a lot, butit's not what i want. this is why a career in business will never do it for me. the closest i ever get to attaining what i want are at the times i'm asleep and i dream about it, the times i write about it, and at the times i tell myself that God WILL put reason to all this desire [i never asked to want all of this. i just do]. it's all i want.
it's tough cuz i don't fit in the plan. i'm like the wrong piece of the puzzle that they're desperately trying to fit. but i think, with a little bending and forcing, i'll soon be part of the puzzle myself. though i'd be the piece that doesn't compliment the entirety of the puzzle, i'll still fit.
gaarggh. someone save me.
new hobby
da vinci's got nothing on meuh-oh. i have a new hobby. but i suck at it. but soon, with more practice, i'll be good at it. the artist in me knows so.
hey, it's my first painting. cut me some slack.
**
i've found another means to escape. haaay. just hope one day, i actually will.
the adventure ended at 9:53 PM
Thursday, November 17, 2005
all dogs go to heavenmy sister and her fiance's child passed away yesterday. coupled with their postponed wedding, this blow took them by surprise and took them hard. and she had turned a year old four days ago. she was always a happy little critter, always welcome, always active, always loving, despite her large size. we're all going to miss her.
biggest smile of them allwasn't she cute? boo. she passed away with either heat stroke or a hear attack. see, right after we took her for a walk, she started getting weak. really weak. till she couldn't stand up anymore. she started barfing and then began breathing slower and slower. until... she let go. we rushed her to the vet, but it was too late.
R.I.P China. You will always be remembered.harry potteri watched harry potter 4 last night. great movie. i won't bore you guys with the details. but it's definitely a must-see. it's great how they capture the early teenage angst that we all go through especially through ron and hermione. according to james though [i'm not a fan], they omitted too many events. but still, it's enough for the non-readers like me to appreciate it. but just a note, parts one and two were whimsical and childish. part three was dark, but as in goosebumps-dark or are-you-afraid-of-the-dark-dark, so kids could still appreciate it. now, part 4 is just plain dark. sure they put in lotsa fun, family-oriented stuff in there, but cursing? sexual references? bad moral values? an evil sans-nose man forming out of a placenta from a cauldron? plain distrubing, dude. i'd rate it R-13.
survey1.. A - Age
> seventeen.
2. B - best asset
> i push myself to always understand.
3. C - Career
> author. artist [NOT an artista]. teacher. creative director for an ad agency [preferrebly the spear-header for Nike campaigns]. social worker.
4. D - Drink or smoke
> any.
5. E - Easiest person/s to talk to
> the bois. the dads.
6. F - Food that you could never eat
> none. i'll eat anything. okay, maybe not something that came out of an animal's ass.
7. G - Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms
> gummy bears.
8. H - Hobbies
> music. movies. writing. trying new things. adventuring.
9. I - In-love?
> nope.
10. J - Junk food you like
> pizza. burgers.
11. K - Kids
> I'M a kid.
12. L - Longest trip
> 24 hours.
13. M - My favorite sports
> basketball. soccer. bowling. wall-climbing. water sports. table tennis.
14. N- Number of siblings
> three.
15. O - One wish you have?
> that everything clears up one day.
16. P - Phobias
> scary looking dolls. scary looking, old, black & white photographs. flesh-eating zombies that RUN after you [dawn of the dead].
17. Q - Favourite Quote
> unless it makes you bleed, it isn't real.
18. R - Reason to smile right now
> i'm at home. i'm safe. and i'm healthy.
19. S - Song you sang last
> slide - goo goo dolls.
20. T - time you woke up
> 530am.
21. U - Unknown fact about you -
> uhm, i like cooling my pillows in front of the AC before i go to bed.
22. V - Vegetable/fruit you love -
> mangoes.
23. W - Worst habit
> procrastinating.
24. X - X-rays you've had
> chest x-ray.
25. Y - Yummy food/s
> japanese. thai. italian. tapa king.
26. Z - Zodiac sign
> pisces.
**
(x) Smoked a cigarette.
(x) Smoked a cigar.
( ) Smoked a joint.
( ) Crashed a friend's car.
( ) Stolen a car.
(x) Been in love.
(x) Been dumped.
( ) Shoplifted.
( ) Been fired.
(x) Been in a fist fight.
(x) Snuck out of the house.
(x) Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
( ) Been arrested.
(x) Made out with a stranger.
(x) Gone on a blind date.
(x) Lied to a friend.
( ) Had a crush on a teacher
(x) Skipped school.
(x) Seen someone die.
(x) Been to Australia
( ) Been to Mexico
(x) Been to Africa
(x) Been to Europe
(x) Been to China
(x) Been on a plane.
( ) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
(x) Thrown up in a bar.
(x) Purposely set a part of yourself on fire.
(x) Eaten Sushi.
(x) Dove off a cliff.
( ) Been snowboarding.
( ) Met someone from the Internet in person.
(x) Been moshing at a concert.
( ) Been in an abusive relationship.
(x) Taken painkillers.
(x) Love someone or miss someone right now.
(x) Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by.
( ) Made a snow angel.
( ) Had a tea party.
(x) Flown a kite.
(x) Built a sand castle.
(x) Gone puddle jumping.
(x) Played dress up.
(x) Jumped into a pile of leaves.
( ) Gone sledding.
(x) Traveled alone.
(x) Cheated while playing a game.
(x) Been lonely.
(x) Fallen asleep at work/school.
(x) Used a fake ID.
(x) Watched the sun set.
(x) Felt an earthquake.
(x) Touched a snake.
(x) Slept beneath the stars.
(x) Been tickled.
(x) Been robbed.
(x) Been misunderstood.
(x) Pet a goat.
(x) Won a contest.
(x) Run a red light.
( ) Been suspended from school.
(x) Been in a car accident.
(x) Had braces.
(x) Felt like an outcast.
( ) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night.
( ) Danced in the moonlight.
(x) Hated the way you look.
(x) Loved the way you look.
(x) Climbed a mountain.
(x) Witnessed a crime.
( ) Pole danced.
( ) Been obsessed with post-it notes.
(x) Walked barefoot through the mud.
(x) Been lost.
(x) Been to the opposite side of the country.
(x) Swam in the ocean
(x) Felt like dying.
( ) Cried yourself to sleep
(x) Played cops and robbers.
(x) Recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers.
(x) Sung karaoke
(x) Paid for a meal with only coins.
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't.
(x) Made prank phone calls when you were younger.
(x) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
( ) Caught a snowflake on your tongue.
( ) Danced in the rain.
(x) Written a letter to Santa Claus.
( ) Been kissed under the mistletoe.
( ) See the sun rise with someone you care about.
(x) Blown bubbles.
(x) Had a bonfire on the beach.
(x) Crashed a party.
(x) Gone rollerskating.
(x) Had a wish come true.
( ) Worn pearls.
(x) Jumped off a bridge.
(x) Ate dog/cat food
( ) Told a complete stranger you loved them.
(x) Kissed a mirror.
(x) Sang in the shower.
( ) Owned a little black dress.
( ) Had a dream that you married someone.
(x) Glued your hand to something.
( ) Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole.
( ) Kissed a fish.
(x) Worn the opposite gender's clothes.
( ) Been a cheerleader.
(x) Sat on a roof top
(x) Screamed at the top of your lungs.
(x) Done a one-handed cartwheel.
( ) Talked on the phone for more than 3 hours.
(x) Stayed up all night.
( ) Didn't take a shower for a week.
(x) Picked and ate a fruit right off the tree.
(x) Climbed a tree.
(x) Had a tree house.
(x) Are scared to watch scary movies.
(x) Believe in ghosts.
( ) Have more than 30 pairs of shoes.
( ) Worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say.
( ) Gone streaking.
(x) Played chicken.
(x) Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on.
( ) Been told you're beautiful by a complete stranger.
(x) Broken a bone.
(x) Been easily amused.
(x) Caught a fish then ate it.
(x) Caught a butterfly.
(x) Laughed so hard you cried.
(x) Cried so hard you laughed.
(x) Mooned/flashed someone. [a man]
(x) Had someone moon/flash you. [again, men]
(x) Cheated on a test.
(x) Forgotten someone's name.
( ) French braided someone's hair.
(x) Grown a beard.
(x) Rule at life.
the adventure ended at 5:35 PM
Thursday, November 10, 2005
growing downtoday, i overhauled my room. totally. i cleaned it inside, out. it took me the whole day since it's really the very first time i've ever done it. hehehe. so you can imagine the massive dust bunnies i was able to collect. looked like cumulu-nimbus formations in the sky. anyway, while rummaging through all the trash and clutter that have been ignored for years, i came across a lot of memories that got me emo. well, not exactly.
1) i found my old
NBA cards. reminiscing the times when i knew all the stats of all the players in the league. and i was just 9 or so. going through the pile of random cards with names such as Rex Walters, Acie Earl, Muhammad Abdul-Rauf, i spotted a couple of finds which would cost a lot today. rookie cards of Steve Nash and Kevin Garnett. whoo.
2) old
pictures. pictures from my childhood. freaky, actually.
young traveler: artsy
one of the few complete pictures of the SF. great fashion sense. note: on this day, i am now the smallest in the group
the guys on a trip to EK: paintball
gradeschool graduation day
elocution contest in kindergarten: yes, that is joel on the right
busride to bauan: members of the gago group
bree and i at bauan, batangas
how surreal. hehehehe.
3) old palanca/sorry/copies of love/recollection letters and notes. check these out.
joel's fourth grade recollection letter to, apparently, all of us. howie's part of this?
the letter donita rose wrote to me when my sister introduced me to her. pictures will NOT be shown.
plus, there's this one letter that a close friend made for the SF [which, btw, stands for The Superfreaks if anyone's wondering] i'll rewrite the exact letter [it's typewritten anyway], but i won't tell you who wrote it and i'll hold the names that he mentioned and allow you guys to match em yourselves. hehehe.
Ei dude. Ano, wala naman ako masabi dahil araw-araw na rin tayo nag-uusap usap eh. Basta, pag may shit ka, sabihin mo lang sa akin, sa atin, the superfreaks kasi alam mo, wala na tatalo sa freaks eh. pangngalan pa lang, pangit na... ah astig pala. hehehe.... i mean, ya got the maestro, the king, the kuya and the unconventional ______. tapos nandyan pa si ______, and heartthrob sa atin, kaso may boyfriend nga lang, hehehe, tapos nandyan pa ung mayabang na feeling na astig, ______ ba yon? ah ______ nga.. tapos nandyan din ung athletic ______, ung may crush sa sarili, pati si ______, the weird guy na genius pero masyado siya weird eh... and of course, ahem ahem......
but seriously, we really are special (cheesy/emotional). we are very smart, no question, handsome, ask the girls (huh?) and very talented. it takes two to tango and six to freakify. so that's it, any problem, go to me, except if the problem is really serious and hassle masyado, hehehe, loko lang,any stories, talk to me, any new stuff, share with me, hehehe..... (is this [name of writer]?)
lastly, keep up the good work. you kick ass and you know it.
**
it takes six to freakify?!? what the hell is that? hehehe. just kidding, dude.
**
aaaaand so, not only is my room uber clean and free of the infestation of dust bunnies, i was able to recollect, reminisce and wonder. hehehe. so, what of the events happening today? will i, too, look back at them in the future. course i will. we'll just hafta see what's there to look back upon.
the adventure ended at 8:24 PM
Monday, November 07, 2005
in need of inspiration"If love makes the world go round, then the Earth must be spinning a bit faster this time of the year."
When you look into her eyes today, you will not see imperfections nor doubts, but the beauty of the universe spelled out, shining in her eyes. You will not feel the burden of a thousand sacrifices made in the past, for on this day, you will fall again. And this time, it won't hurt at all.
On this day, holding her hand will bring new sensations. A warm tingle spreads through you as you feel her soft palm brush against yours. You realize that the spaces between her fingers were created so you can out your between them.
Today, you are reminded of love and the emotions and sensations that it brings: the unexplainable bliss, the heart that skips beats, and the love-struck look in your eyes. When all of these happen to you, you will know,
Cupid has hit a bull's eye.
taken from the Xanadu [the literary magazine of La Salle Greenhills] valentine's issue from two or three years ago. hah. a part of me wishes i could still write like this, while another part of me says that phase is in the past and should stay there. it's time to write more sensible, more realistic stuff. lately, i just wanna vent out, you know? just keep ranting, raving, spilling, shouting, exclaiming, all the -ing's you can think of. but there's no one to vent out to. so i just sigh, suck it in, and enjoy the moment. i'm happy. and there's really no reason why i s hould feel otherwise. or at least that's what i tell myself.
gradesi got my grades today. honestly, and i mean by all microscopic bits of honesty in me, i expected a QPI of 2.8 or if i was lucky, a flat three. i got a 3.22! hah. i'm really glad with it! God answers prayers and i'm very grateful. okay, maybe the competitive side of me [which exists in the bloodline {damn the bloodline}] says i could have and should have done better, but for now, fuck it, i'm ecstatic for my grades. 3.22 is really high.
last week of immortalityin one week, we'll all have to return to school. boo. i'm gonna try to enjoy every moment of it. hehe.
the adventure ended at 6:40 PM
Saturday, November 05, 2005
roadtripsi've been on the road a lot this week. i mean A LOT. and it's been awfully tiring. sunday, my family and i went on a sudden trip to batangas and stayed overnight. tuesday, went to susana heights to our grandma's cemetery and stayed the whole afternoon with our cousins and relatives. wednesday, i spent the whole day doing errands for my granddad's surprise party at home that night. so another busy day. thursday, highlands with the bois. only, it was only the
terrible four or the
core four [aKa chino, greg, mon and i] that went. the others had their own things to do. fun fun fun. we discovered the wonders of the game cranium and obssessed ourselves over magically finding nine hot girls in bikinis in the cottage beside us. hehe. anyway, next day, went home, settled down at my place with chino and mon and then joined dre, went out again to watch
Waiting, one of the worst decisions i've ever made.
today, went with my parents to our farm. lots of development going on. pretty cool. i just found out that our horse hates me. i tried to ride her and she kept passing beside things to try and topple me off. trees, kubo's, walls, etc. just to be able to kinda scrape me off and make me fall. she wouldn't stop when i told her to and wouldn't turn when i pulled her to. and she was successful in toppline me over twice. i fell really bad and hurt myself in those two times. it was hilarious. scoped the entire area of the farm, putting landmarks on where my future project will stand [i'll talk about it when it's final. in about four years. hehe.] went home after that and now i'm hella tired.
well, there it is. my week in a flash. not much for words right now. except that i promise to train that horse and make her love me! hahaha.
i'll blog again really soon with more meaningful crap. hehe.
the adventure ended at 11:09 PM
