Tuesday, October 25, 2005
thoughts while downloading Lost episodesthere's a thin line between denial and faith. faced with an unbearable and seemingly impossible task, two people can say, "i can do this," but mean entirely different things. one person could be masking the fact that there is no possibility to overcome the task and could be just looking for an outlet to thwart the impending failure. the other could believe in the situation and actually in the zone where there is no doubt in his/her mind that the task can be leapt over.
when losing a loved whose remains have not yet been found, there is a difference between saying "buhay pa siya! alam ko!" and "hindi siya pwedeng mamatay! hindi!" these are two, very common answers we may encounter in such a predicament.
personally, i'm in the realm of denial. yes, i am. i have a very poor grasp on reality. i live in a world that doesn't exist, my very own universe of existentialism. i refuse to believe that this immediate reality is all that we are presented with. and yet i am too dumb and full of doubt to believe that there's something more out there to aspire for. it's like i
know that this is all, but i don't
believe it. now don't get me wrong, i'm not talking about Heaven and Hell, God and the Angels and all that. cuz i believe in all that. this is something entirely different. this is the spice of life that drives me out of my mind trying to reach. face it, life's boring.
that's why i need someone or something to keep me grounded. to cure me of this itch. or someone who can soar with me, who loses touch with reality as easily as i do.
but don't worry. all i need is time. peace
really lies in the acceptance of God's plan*.
[*where'd that come from? see, in the chapel at greenbelt 3, there's this small basket filled with hundred of little, rolled-up pieces of paper. the basket is labeled,
message from God. now, i've only picked up a message from it twice. the first one, roughly translated, meant "grow up." while the second one, the more recent one, and the more appropriate one {after asking answers from God intensely} was that:
peace lies in the acceptance of God's plan]
the adventure ended at 3:04 PM
