Saturday, October 29, 2005
it's saturday night livetoday has been one of the most idle days in recent memories. i don't even know why i'm updating. most days, i do particularly nothing. but today, the nothingness was a lot more, umm, nothing. haha. i dunno. ate breakfast at 9am then slept until 2pm for lunch. theeen, a s period of void watching tv and reading a bit. after a while, decided to watch a dvd, The Ghost and the Darkness. good movie, senseless killings. hehe. after that, another period of void, went online and been online since. and counting, i've been online for about 6 hours. and 5 hours of that, i'm just staring at the screen, at nothing. to add to it all, i'm sick. i've got a bad cold, and a slight fever. greeeat. another sucky thing, is that there hasn't been anything good on tv all day. except maybe for WWE Raw and a New York Knicks Preseason game. it's 11:50pm and i think i'm still alone at home.
i've been trying to get myself physically fit the past week. not buff, not thin or anything, just the ability to actually play 10 minutes of baskteball without panting. endurance, if you will. and i think i overdid myself, playing basketball three hours at a time, staying on the treadmill for an hour and a half at a time, and maybe that's why i'm sick.
most days, i love doing nothing. but today, it's just plain annoying.
the adventure ended at 11:43 PM
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
thoughts while downloading Lost episodesthere's a thin line between denial and faith. faced with an unbearable and seemingly impossible task, two people can say, "i can do this," but mean entirely different things. one person could be masking the fact that there is no possibility to overcome the task and could be just looking for an outlet to thwart the impending failure. the other could believe in the situation and actually in the zone where there is no doubt in his/her mind that the task can be leapt over.
when losing a loved whose remains have not yet been found, there is a difference between saying "buhay pa siya! alam ko!" and "hindi siya pwedeng mamatay! hindi!" these are two, very common answers we may encounter in such a predicament.
personally, i'm in the realm of denial. yes, i am. i have a very poor grasp on reality. i live in a world that doesn't exist, my very own universe of existentialism. i refuse to believe that this immediate reality is all that we are presented with. and yet i am too dumb and full of doubt to believe that there's something more out there to aspire for. it's like i
know that this is all, but i don't
believe it. now don't get me wrong, i'm not talking about Heaven and Hell, God and the Angels and all that. cuz i believe in all that. this is something entirely different. this is the spice of life that drives me out of my mind trying to reach. face it, life's boring.
that's why i need someone or something to keep me grounded. to cure me of this itch. or someone who can soar with me, who loses touch with reality as easily as i do.
but don't worry. all i need is time. peace
really lies in the acceptance of God's plan*.
[*where'd that come from? see, in the chapel at greenbelt 3, there's this small basket filled with hundred of little, rolled-up pieces of paper. the basket is labeled,
message from God. now, i've only picked up a message from it twice. the first one, roughly translated, meant "grow up." while the second one, the more recent one, and the more appropriate one {after asking answers from God intensely} was that:
peace lies in the acceptance of God's plan]
the adventure ended at 3:04 PM
Thursday, October 20, 2005
THIS close to getting brain seizureeveryday, i wake up and eat breakfast at around 730am. after which, if i feel to lazy to do anything, i go back to bed and sleep until about 12 or 1pm. everyday. after which, it's either:
a) i play Final Fantasy 8 on Playstation 1 [the best damn game in history]
b) i play NBA Live 2006 on Playstation 2
c) i go online. hours on end, friendster-ing, blogging, chatting, or looking for online strategies to be able to accomplish choice a) more efficiently
d) for the past week, this one's ruled them all: i watch
Losti gotta tell you. i barely ever [i mean
barely] follow a recurring TV show. i think i only followed Ghost Fighter, Flame of Recca, WWF [when it was still a federation], and Friends. that's it. never CSI, nor Buffy, nor any of those. i have never watched a single episode of OC nor One Tree Hill, and i have not watched more than 2 minutes of American Idol and Pinoy Big Brother.
but then came the wonders of the DVD collection. last sunday, my family horded dozens of DVD's. at my request, we got the first season of the show
Lost, which i heard to have been a great show. little did i know, i'd spend entire evenings and whole afternoons watching the damn show for the next three or four days. my entire family's hooked. imagine this: i'm watching disc 5 downstairs, my sister and her fiance are watching disc 3 in the other room, and my parents are watching disc 1 upstairs.
intense!
this is why i'm actually afraid to finish it. i've finished all but the last disc, and i'm afraid to. maybe it's cuz i don't wanna lose this feeling. cuz the show is very, very absorbing and gripping, not to mention a very effective cliff-hanger. and so i guess i don't wanna find out where the twists and turns lead. i wanna stay like this, in mystery, guessing the outcomes and reasons. cuz once i find out everything, i'm left with nothing. and it's good to have something to look forward to, something to think about, something you don't know. cuz once you know everything, there's nothing more to live for. i wonder if man ever considered this? in his never-ending quest to acquire supreme knowledge. hmmm. hahaha. so i guess, philosophy bridges aside, i'm taking a break from Lost. maybe i'll finish it before the sembreak is over.
CSI muna. hehehe.
and besides, i promised myself to be productive this sembreak. clean my room, read a few books, write, exercise, etc. plus, my mom's putting up a blackroom at home, so i'm really excited about that, considering i din't know a thing about the science of photography. hahaha.
the adventure ended at 6:55 PM
Saturday, October 15, 2005
hung-overi am hung-over at the moment. my head aches like a sickness. it's 1:32 P.M. and last night my blockmates were over to celebrate the four weeks of immortality ahead. never been that wasted in my life. i puked thrice. and one of the times, the situation was really funny:
dexter and wesley were playing live 06 in the TV room while i was sprawled on the bed beside them. i hadn't talked for the last 30-45 minutes but i was still half-awake. suddenly, i felt a creature inside me slowly rising up my esophagus.
Wes: hah? New York versus New Jersey? lugi!
J: [almost inaudible] trash...can. [Wes and Dex keep playing]
Wes: lugi!
J: [still almost inaudible] traaash...can...
[still nothing]
J: [voice gets louder] TRAAAAASH CAAAAN...
Wes: oh shit! panic! trash can, bilis! [they scramble to get me the trash can]
Dex: [upon my puking escapade] akala ko nanonood siya tapos sabi niya, 'crunch time!'
Wes: oo nga eh! rinig ko rin, 'crunch time!'
i'm proud to say, i am not a messy barf-er. i know when it's about to come out and i can muster enough energy and will to get to the nearest waste receptacle.
needless to say, my house smells like booze and barf. ahhh. the smell of teenage years.
october celebrantstoo many to mention. there are sooo many october celebrants. i just wanna say Happy Birthday to all of you and ask, does this mean people like to do it around February or March? ahhhh, valentine's pala. and spring fever.
dreams are bad when all the do is leave the truth behindi had a really funny dream the other night. i was playing basketball with Shaq and Karl Malone. shooting around and stuff. and we were in boracay if i'm not mistaken. cuz beside the court was the beach.
i'm just saying. how twisted can one's subconscious be to be able to come up with these kinds of things? sometimes i wish i could just harness all that creativity and make something of it, you know? but maybe that's what daydreaming's all about. only it's not as productive.
the adventure ended at 1:30 PM
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
while driving to ateneo or while driving home (part 2)the things i see just keep piling up and it makes me sad and happy and inspired and most important of all, grounded. if it weren't for the things i see and the REAL people i talk to, i'd probably be insane by now.
i need a release.
**i saw a little boy walking down the street. he had a pack of "Breadstix" in one hand and a bottle of coke in the other. he didn't look all that poor nor dirty. i saw that he was walking towards an old, homeless man who seemed to be high at the time. he offered the old man some Breadstix. i wasn't able to see if the old man accepted.
**i saw another small boy sitting down in front of a sewage hole on a sidewalk. technically, he was still sitting on the road. he was peeing in the sewage. well, at least he had the smallest ounce of hygiene.
**i saw the "Angel of J" taxi again. it's the 4th time i've seen it. still a coincidence? maybe it's a franchise of taxis like the EMP taxis or Avis. but still.... and as the previous three times have dictated, something extreme will soon happen to me whether good or bad. damn that stupid harbinger of feelings.
hmmm. i know i've seen more things recently but i can't seem to remember.
anyway, this week, i dunno why [maybe it has to do with the fact that it's finals week], but i've been to church everyday on the way home from school. wala lang. i'd go to church and sit down. a friend of mine once told me that when you're faced with a problem, big or small, try to spend a small amount of your time in a church or chapel per day. you don't have to pretend to pray. just sit down and be quiet. for five minutes. "what's five minutes a day?" he says. he promised that in due time, no matter how dire your problem was, and even though it would never go away, you'd feel a lot better about it. i'm on my way to that feeling.
surreal conversationi went to school early the other day. thirsty, i wento the cafeteria to buy myself some iced tea and i had a strange but enlightening conversation with the iced tea lady. it's a shame that i can't even remember her face anymore.
J: isa pong iced tea, small lang.
Lady: [prepares the iced tea] Bakit ang konti ng mga tao ngayon?
J: ah, eh finals week po kasi eh. konti po talaga siguro tao pag ganito.
Lady: oo nga noh, finals week pala. alam mo, pag konti tao, mas okay, mas maayos. naririnig ko sarili ko. ang iingay ng iba sa inyo eh! [hands me the iced tea]
J: oo nga po eh! [forced laugh]
Lady: sana ganito na lang lagi noh? yan problema ngayon, kahit saan. masyadong maiingay mga tao! wala namang sinasabi!
J: [laughs and pays] sige po. thank you.
Lady: [laughs]
she had something there, i guess. i've been guilty of this many times. what's the point of speaking if you're not going to say anything? people talk too much. often, they don't want the opinion of the other person, they're just waiting for their own turn to speak. and sometimes, they just wanna say, "this is what i think! this is me! cool, eh?"
hence, the birth of the blogs.
ah, vanity. my favorite sin- The Devil, from Devil's Advocate
the adventure ended at 4:47 PM
Thursday, October 06, 2005
hell's freezing overi'm in hell with a double-scoop ice cream cone in my hand, consuming it right in the face of beelzebub, the dark lord, the anti-christ, lucifer, satan, and all the other names. with an unwavering face, i say,
"tsong, gusto mo?"
my chemistry finals, which from day one we had thought to be 'all hell broken loose + apocalypse + a giant sized meteor to destroy the earth + death' suddenly became 'a box + kittens + ribbons'... well, okay. fine.
fiesty kittens
that growl and
tightly wound up ribbons. from a menacing [around] 20 chapters [summing up to 4-500 pages] of readings, the chemistry test has been reduced to 3 chapters. yep. 3 chapters. and with the 100-paged-readings-but-only-2-item-quizzes that our professor lovingly inflicts on us, 3 chapters to endear and place in my heart doesn't seem so bad. haha.
our lit finals. another monolith to overcome. dozens of short stories to call to mind. underlying meanings and implications to comprehend. i thought i'd spend a whole day studying for this. but then, our power-gay lit teacher [who is slowly becoming one of my idols despite his gender preference], decides to reduce the finals into a Short Story analysis wherein a new short story will be given to us to chop up and serve up to him/her on the day of the test itself. yay!
and with the math finals containing only 2 long chapters, it'll be all good.
all i need know is to finish two major papers that shouldn't take more than two steady nights of constant milk-tea, chocolates, and softdrinks consumption.
it's all coming into place.
yellow and blue make greenbut unfortunately, the yellow component was not added to the concoction as the tamaraws defeated the archers 2-0 in the UAAP Season 68 Finals. boo to them.
amazing two games though. papa joseph yeo was able to pick up the cudgels and deliver well in both games despite his "patalo" situations in key games in the season. it's his last year and it's like he's been there forever. yeo the man. hallelu-yeo.
win or lose, it's
la salle we choose.
friday night salsatomorrow night i'm gonna learn how to dance for my sister's wedding. one could say that it's sort of a "kutilyon" performance... but not really. i really wanna learn how to salsa. it looks really fun. [ahem] hehe. but as i've gathered, it'll only be waltz and cha-cha lessons. boo. but nevertheless, i'm a bit excited.
the adventure ended at 7:44 PM
Sunday, October 02, 2005
my body's producing less and less melanini can clearly remember the oldest memory i have in my brain bank. i was about two or three years old. i was sitting on a small stool in our old garage at our old bungalow. i was in front of my dad's old Toyota coupe and i was admiring the golden brilliance of the car (aptly named Goldie), while small and short pieces of black string could be seen falling in front of, beside and behind my small human self. my mom was standing beside me and had in her hands a pair of silver scissors with a little tinge of rust at its tip. with wholehearted care and precision, she deleted the black stuff on my head that made me lack neatness and made me look dirty. i was too young to go to the barber shop so my mother, even with her lack of skill as a hair-stylist, managed to make look like a child celebrity (or at least she told me so).
fifteen years later, i sit on a stool in my sister's bathroom. there is no gold coupe. no garage and no rusty scissors. what's left are the little pieces of black string that can still be seen descending from my summit, and more importantly, the same mother with the same love and care. but this time, she has a razor in her hand. slowly and surely, she drives away on my head and easily makes a grass patch look like a Q ball. i'm too lazy to go to the barber every two weeks so i have my mom do it. and even with her lack of skill as a hair-stylist (even after 15 years of experience), she still manages to make me look neat and clean (but not so much like a child celebrity anymore).
some things never change.
hell weekcollege presents itself in its most monstrous and evil form. hell week. and in this case. hell weeks preceeding the long-awaited semestral break. it's like being underwater for five minutes and trying to swim up as fast as you can for air. you see the surface and you know you're gonna make it, but it still seems so far away. you need air. agh. i wonder if anyone's ever drowned cuz of hell week. i pray to God to give me strength, help me survive, and moreover, remove my procrastination and laziness. bah.
...and i had just bought NBA Live 2006. fudge.
the adventure ended at 7:16 PM
