Monday, June 27, 2005
yes, that's me in the picture. did a little adobe fixing. hmmm. i'm getting tired of this blog template already because the songs won't work and i can't seem to find the bug that's causing it.
so anyway, enough of insightful, intense blog entries. i bet you've all had enough of them.
muZtah PoW KaU?!life's been pretty good lately. i guess i'm on a high point since i've recently vanquished a very difficult time. life always balances itself out. so i dread the period when all this casual lifestyle-ing will fade away and the good times will cease rolling. boo.
i've been out every week. grabe. basically it's because Joel's here in the country. and it's kinda weird cuz i'm no longer used to it. see, over the years, i've kinda evolved from the teenager who longs for parties, is eager to meet as many people as possible, wants to try everything that
feels good, and is a regular rebellious, angsty piece of junk.. to some guy who just wants everything steady. steady lang sa bahay tuwing gimik. steady lang sa pag-aaral. steady lang sa pagkakaibigan. steady lang sa panliligaw. steady lang sa pagbuhay ng araw-araw. that's the key philosophy i learned this year and it has changed my life.
steady lang. nothing, i mean
nothing can ever go too bad in your life if you just keep it all steady.
hmm. what does it mean when you meet so many people and so many opportunities come your way and you wanna take them.. but deep down, you really don't want to? it's weird. i've never excluded any 'possibility' before. and i'm happy with the way things are. there isn't any regret, no longing, no remorse. hmm. but then again, it's something i still haven't deciphered entirely. i'm still thinking...
anyway. tomorrow i have a short quiz in chemistry. the coverage of this short quiz is140pages on our overly huge chemistry book. i have not began studying, as any of you could gather. just goes to show that the first-few-days-intensified-syndrome is now over and i'm back to my old self. hehehe.
that's about it. life's okay.
the adventure ended at 8:36 PM
Thursday, June 23, 2005
awit ng kabataanis there hope for the philippines?
here's a question thrown around ever since the time of our forefathers who supposedly liberated our country and granted us freedom. but with the way things are, not much has changed since then. we've just given the bad guys bigger guns and the good guys more of a reason to shut up and do nothing about it. we're a regular gotham city.
people keep producing prophecies on when and how the philippines will finally rise up and start to progress. we've all talked about it so much that all these ways and means have become nothing more than one big cliche. and just like any cliche, it's used everyday out of impulse, out of a good way to fit in good words. but what are words without their meanings? cliche's lose their meanings simply because we use them too much and find them to be part of routine, part of a sentence that means something else. take for example, "good night. sleep tight." do any of you know what "sleep tight" really means? no one does. but we still say it all the time, even though it has lost its meaning.
all these ways and means are at risk of losing their meanings as well. sure, they will be talked about until time enough for us to die six times or more, but the meanings that they hold which encompass every ideal that we need to uphold, to fight for, will all be lost in oblivion. soon, the "education first's", the "down with corruption's", the "unity of all filipino people's", the "we need a good, strong, resilient leader's", and all that bullshit will all just be part of sentences that we say everyday. sentences that we say which don't have meaning. useless. stupid. and most importantly, leading to the impending death of our country.
how do we stop these great plans from their downfall? i don't wanna be preachy, and i definitely don't wanna lie. i have NO fucking idea... at all. i've thought it through, it seems that we're too deep in this vicious cycle to amass enough energy to break away. it seems that every means to get away from this vicious cycle has already been covered, hence, we're trapped like mice. little mice in a mousehole with the hole plugged up. inside, we'll end up hungry. we'll start eating each other up, and end up rotting on top of each other until we all stink like hell. eew.
but hey, not to negate myself, i HAVE hope for the philippines. i do. simply why, i plan to settle here all my life. i guess, it's pretty stupid in my case but it's sort of a The Matrix scenario. it's all about believing and doing something about it in your own way. i may not be able to change the world, but i know i can do whatever it takes to live with it the best way i can, not just for me, but for everyone around me. i'm not a nationalist, i'm a humanist. i'm not idealistic, i'm a hopelessly-blind hopeful. i'm not trying to awaken the nation's children into a revolution for the betterment of the... yadiyah. i'm telling everyone to live.
just live.
no one knows how to live nowadays. people are too worried about stupid things. being the ugly, hated, dirty mice/rats that we are, there're always things to worry about. but there are things to enjoy too. there's the scintillating aroma of fresh garbage. there's only getting your tail [and your tail alone] cut from that nasty mousetrap.. tas nakuha mo pa yung keso! face it, life may be ugly [especially in the philippines], but we can all still live it and enjoy every single speck we can out of it.
P.S.
"sleep tight" came from the olden times. i'm not sure where and i'm not sure when exactly. but see, back then, some people were made to sleep on wooden-like beds with cranks and pulleys that had ropes attached which one would tie on his/her limbs, and as you fall asleep, you'd have someone tighten the cranks. they must've been crazy back then, but the tighter you slept, the more comfortable you were. boo. sleep tight.
the adventure ended at 8:02 PM
Thursday, June 16, 2005
funk day firstyeah. it all feels so surreal. today i got my official Ateneo de Manila University - John Gokungwei School of Management I.D. my I.D. number is 050009 [and in the picture, my blockmates said i look like Mr.Clean]. and that finally seals it all. i never imagined actually having an ateneo id, even after the years of preparation/deliberation for ateneo college life.
it's always so strange to do something for the first time. it's always a bizzare yet exhilarating experience to be new at something, to venture into the unknown, to eat foreign food. see, there are two types of fear. one can either be
scared-good or
good-scared. scared-good is when you chicken out right before watching The Ring because a stupid friend told you that you wouldn't be able to sleep nor watch TV for a while. it's when you run for dear life when a huge bear suddenly jumps out of an alley while you're walking home in Binondo [yes, a bear]. it's fear without thought, it's the impulse, it's the reason why man doubts then destroys everything that he does not understand: he is scared-good. now, being good-scared is one of the most fulfilling feelings of all. it's that final two seconds of doubt before jumping out of a plane, sky-diving. it's that big, deep, and useless worry what to say to that hot girl who just asked you for the time. it's staying up all night for an exam you know you're going to fail. it's hours and hours in the waiting room waiting for the defnitely positive surgery results of someone dear. it's getting a girlfriend. it's a La Salle vs. Ateneo finals game.
hell,
it's the first week of college.
yes, i am good-scared.. to the bone.
but frightened as i am, i believe in my ability to surpass anything. i believe that the universe unfolds as it should. i think about it. i feel it. and most especially, i do something about it. thus, i can never, ever be scared-good. nope. not in college.
a blessing in a halloween costume with the worksone very perfect example of the unfolding universe is the stuff that's happening in my life right now. something bad had to happen to make way for something which i can only hope is something good... and something real. i feel it. and yes, i'm doing something about it. hehehe. i only hope that i'll be strong enough to encounter any difficulties [ahem] i might face in relation to all this. let's just hope. time will tell.
the adventure ended at 8:21 PM
Friday, June 10, 2005
officially bluei felt so weird singing and raising my arms for the ateneo alma mater. i didn't know any of the words and whenever i raise my fists in the air, there's always the compulsion [after 12 years of constant allegiance] to sing "hail, hail alma mater, hail to DE LA SALLE..." but no. not anymore. it's "win or lose, it's the school we choose." and it's freaking me out.
my blockmates from both blocks seem like a fun bunch. it's really cool cuz here is a group of individuals who, intitially, have absolutely nothing [except the label "atenean"] in common, and yet they all get along great. looking forward to getting to know these people really well. after all, i'm gonna be stuck with them for a while. hahaha.
OrSem was fun [if not utterly exhausting]. someone actually fainted due to all the stress of the tours, the "MOB-ing" [ateneo term. short for MOBilize.], and the forced trait of being social even though you're sooo exhausted and restless and rearing to sit down or lie down alone. you HAVE to socialize. if you don't, you won't survive. but it's all good. it's still a lot of fun. kind of like anything else. you gotta give something to get something back in return. hopefully, with the energy and stress you give up, you gain friendships and that "ATENEO FEEL" of things, which apparently, i haven't gotten yet.
i'm semi-excited for school to start on tuesday. take note,
semi. i guess i'm just shit-scared of the unknown that's ahead of me. kind of like being in a crappy teen suspense film. being one of the stupid stereo-typical characters. and seeing the ending and knowing that your dumb teenybopper character is going to survive [via deus ex machina], but is still gonna be chased around and molested by an even dumber psycho killer wearing a mask. yeah. we all know we're gonna survive, or at least we believe we will. but we also all know that we're gonna pass through fire and death just to escape that ever-diligent psycho killer. and that psycho killer's secret identity [pom pom pom] is actually ourselves. yeah, we're the only ones stopping ourselves from surviving a bloody, inhumane death. hmmm, sounding a bit preachy already. better stop.
island in the sunwell, i've already turned my back on it. i've faced it. summer's now just a distant memory. and there's no use looking back cuz it's happened already and it's never gonna happen again. and besides, looking back'll only give you the feeling of longing for happiness, regret for mistakes, and sadness for pain and suffering, not to mention a stiff neck. time to move on. i'm in college now and it's beginning to sink in.
the adventure ended at 10:13 PM
Sunday, June 05, 2005
every new beginning is some other beginning's endcouldn't have been said better than that.
it's time to put away the old books, put on my good shoes and go to college, the last chapter of my dependence. after this four year spurt of stress, new boundaries broken and experiences galore, i'll enter the real world. the scary, lonesome real world. but back up a bit. let's take it one day at a time. one day at a time. at a time. time.
to some of us, time is a big, fat, laughing bully who sits on a throne looking into a giant crystal ball with images of people like us. people like us who see time pass all too soon. people like us who don't seem to get the best out of life. we try our hardest and squeeze the juice as much as we can, but in the end, time always wins. with his malignant laugh, he'd take us away from everything and take us to the unknown oblivion of death. but back up a bit. time's not all bad.
time heals. it is only through this big bad bully that wounds are mended and scars are washed away. without time, what is forgiveness? without time, what is compassion and love? and besides, who's to say that the unknown oblivion that time inevitably takes us to is a bad thing? who knows? kaya nga unknown eh!
but anyway, backing up to where i began, i'm really excited for college. i think it's definitely going to change and define me as a person.
the adventure ended at 11:23 PM
