Thursday, April 07, 2005
not counted
today, my day has actually been idle enough to be able to take some time off to blog. yes, i've been quite busy this week. things keep coming up! dental appointments, basketball, friends who suddenly visit, friends who suddenly ask me to visit, spanish class, etc etc. today is what summer's supposed to be. but it's also what my parents hate about summer. "you always gotta be productive" damn it. come on! it's summer! urgh. we should never neglect idle days like this. days when your brain melts, and you have absolutely nothing to do. yeah, sure, productivity leads to results leads to excellence leads to greatness etc etc. but even the fastest racehorses can't be racing all the time. otherwise, they wouldn't be the fastest racehorses.
basketball-ness
i'm hooked. more than ever. yeah, i love the game, i love the sport, but now, now that i have more time to play, now that i have more opportunities to play, i'm hooked. i watch the nba everyday. i play at mico jau's place often. i invite my municipal league friends to play every now and then. and every chance i get, i go with jorel and andre calixto to magallanes/merville and play and get killed by the big boys. damn it. i just wanna keep on playing. [hehe, i really wanna talk about my game and how i've been playing and stuff, but that'd be too conceited and boring to readers as well. hahaha]
da pyoochur
with a certain course in a certain college sealed for me, i guess the roads leading to my future are starting to get paved for me. with my chosen course as the tools for which these roads are being built. now, with all this, people have come to ask me, at this time [a time when it's much too late for me to change my mind]:
"is this what you really want?"
i say: well, yeah. i mean, ComTechMgt is a road to advertising. and i love advertising. and i think i'd be really good at it. and it's a flexible course as well. i could also go corporate, or start my own business, etc etc. yeah. pretty good. a nice, plausible future.
"again, is this what you
really want?"
no. it isn't.
i want to write and sing beautiful music. i want to join a band. popularity wouldn't be an issue for me. i'm in it for the passion. i want to perform and express myself through music. for i believe that music is the highest and most effective form of expression.
i want to write and keep on writing. write poetry. write novels. write my thoughts, my feelings, and everything i've ever experienced. and i want the whole world to know about it. but with this, i wanna be acknowledged. i want to win awards. i want to be distinguished. i want to be a poet laureate! hahahaha. a boy dreams.
i want to perform. to act. but in this day and age, can anyone [in the Philippines] act and not be "ma-showbiz"? if i were to act/perform, i'd do it somewhere else, maybe hollywood [a boy dreams more], because i'm serious with what i do. it's for the passion, for the fulfillment of doing it. not just for face-value or those "loveteams" that they make of you. stupid. and i dunno, i think i really think i can do it. and one day, i wanna write screenplays. direct movies. be clint eastwood. be quentin tarantino. be baz lhurman.
i want to do/see everything. i want to wait tables in a foreign land with a different language. i want to reflect on my life whilst i meditate in the presence of monks in cambodia. i want to go bungee jumping in italy. i want to explore the pyramids of egypt. i want to live in south america with a day-to-day job and fall in love with a beautiful latin woman. i want to be the first Filipino to be on the South Pole. i want to see the aurora borealis.
so what's stopping me? i dunno. i guess, in society nowadays, those people who follow their dreams totally are impractical. people always tell you to follow your heart and reach for your dreams, but what they're not telling you is that "..and in case you fail and land somewhere else, don't worry, we still love you even though you're less than what you wanted to be and though it sucks to be you." and of course, you actually think there's money in the things i want to do? there may be, but you have to be the very best in the fields. i don't really want to be the very best [but i wouldn't mind being so], i just wanna do what i love to do. even if money [which is sooooo important] isn't really that free-flowing.
in other words, to put everything simpler, i want to live in a dream. i want to live in the movies. i want to do so many things in my life but i fear i won't even get to do a quarter of them.
it sucks when you don't get what you want. and i want so much. hence, this sucks so much.
the adventure ended at 1:15 PM
