Sunday, January 30, 2005
reconciliation and dreams
well, our family's complete again. at least for now. and i'm glad. are things still shaky and weird? nah. it's actually a good thing. things stabilized again. anyway, my dad's into this toallt new thing and it's freaking me out.
my dad wants to start a family dynasty.
it's all we ever talk about at the dinner table. talks about the gokungwei, ayala, and other families who have made quite a nest-egg over the past generations. i really don't mind being in a family dynasty, but then.. us? wala lang, at this point, i don't think anyone in the family has that capability to establish such an empire. which leades to another weird point.
my parents want me to marry someone who's prolific.
note: the word
marry has never been associated with me in any conversation.. ever. prolific? prolific?? really? prolific? they want me to be an industrious baby-making machine? and they want me to marry someone who's willing to undergo such a task? goodness. the pressure of being the only boy in a family whose name is fading away. i say, "but ma, mahirap magka-anak ngayon!" mom and dad say, "well, don't worry about it! as long as they're good kids, that won't be a problem." hehehe. kaboom. that's all i needed.
i never really thought about marriage and kids, and whenever i do, it's merely a faint cluster of colors in the back of my mind. before this morning's conversation with my parents, i saw myself getting married at age 26 with a woman who's perfection personified [hey, we can all dream..] start a family of three kids, two boys and a girl.. but then, now, with the go signal and a lot of prodding, 6 kids doesn't sound all that bad anymore. hehehehe. but then, until i grow a LOT older, all this is nothing but that cluster in the back of my head.
betrayed in a funny and disturbing way
some of my friends destroyed me the other day. it was saturday and i had a whole day booked. meet up with some friends and catch up, then meet up with some other friends and organize a surprise birthday thing, then meet up with another group and go to this concert. el gimikero strikes again. the surprise went on successfully [happy happy birthday reg!], the concert went on nicely [too much rock for me though] except for the fact that my friend andre is now considered a 'black hawk down' rather than 'the eagle has landed' hehehehe. but then, my meeting with the first group was crap.
see, with this group, "the kroo", arguments and fights are a way of life. it's what the foundation of the group is based upon. it gets serious sometimes that friendships get strained, and eventually, broken. but then, what was lost can be regained. and so, the cycle continues. the other night was just another leg in the cycle. but a big, fat, chunky leg of it..
i can't really disclose all the details here for the interest of privacy and respect. i'll just put it in vague form.
so my friend arns and i start fighting [i forgot the reason] and we start calling each other names and piss each other off by involving people we care about [i'm such a stupid ass with them] and he goes and says something that totally desolated me about someone i used to care a lot about. basta. and he told me that this has been going on for quite a while, and i was the only one who dind't know about it. he even showed me some proof [eew, proof.] anyway, this kinda got me pissed. the fact that THIS has been going on behind my back, the fact that two of my closest friends are involved in it, and the fact that everyone knew about it except me. urgh [eew, mental picture].
anyway, i overreacted [kind of a subtle word] and went on with my day, trying my best to leave it behind me. and i successfully did until that night when i was with mico, mico, and andre at the concert. the mental picture haunted me.
the next day, arns texts me. "dude, joke lang yun. i mean, none of that really happened. sorry i overreacted. and the proof thing.. that wasn't real." and i say to myself, "fuck." i didn't know what to believe. and i had already told my other friend [the one involved] that i knew what was going on and stuff. urgh. anyway, i dind't bother replying. i'm kinda hoping things will fix itself [though i know that will never happen] so i'm laying low and not communicating with anyone from the group.
i don't know how else to react other than a quiet smirk and a few chuckles. it's a little funny. hehe. it's twisted, stupid, and totally destructive of bonds, but still, it's a little funny if you think about it. hehehehe.
sleepless nights
no, not out of depression. i've been a baranggay tanod for the past couple of nights! wow! since our school doens't have CAT [bless LSGH for that], we have to engage in baranggay involvement. it's SUPPOSED to be a long-term thing which should have started december of last year, but being the procrastinator that i am, i took care of it on the last weekend. amazing noh? hahaha. bait nga nung mga baranggay officials eh. they said if i became a tanod for at least 30mins, they would fill up my certification paper with lotsa stuff already. whee! pero nahiya naman ako, kaya sinigurado ko na magtatanod ako for at least the weekend. hence, i am dying without sleep. add the factor that i was out friday night [went out with the guys and watched elektra] and all of saturday. wahoo! and now, it os 1030pm and i am still up. i am gonna pass out in school tomorrow, i can feel it.
**
that's it for now. i'm out. [btw, UP results are out this week. good luck to you all.]
the adventure ended at 10:35 PM
